Caught In A Mosh

Lalalala

2010-11-02T20:13:00.001+08:00

JUZ AROUND THE CORNER

2007-05-23T00:02:00.000+08:00

I won't be here for some time, but working on my P.I.M.P ONLINE MAGAZINE . Most of my post and new entries will be there. I'm blogging at THE PIMPCAGE ,a network community where you are welcome to be a member to contribute your stuffs, articles, artworks, photos, poems, etc. to be featured in the coming issues of PIMP. Each member will have their own page to blog,upload photos & videos, widget, start a forum or group. Come join and hang out! It's free.

SangkarKata or SangkarPuisi?

2007-03-26T19:27:00.000+08:00

Nothing much happening. Just plainlife as it is. Kinda lazy to post these few weeks. Did something. Tried to learn Adobe Indesign CS2 publishing. Bought the software at HP and kinda learn it by myself. Very slow i might say of my progress since i'm not very good with computers and stuff. But i did used it to make like kinda an online magazine. Just stuff from my blogs and i made it into kinda like mag. The main thing is that I just wanna learn design. So i started a wordpress for the supposed mag here where you can download those mags (already, 2 volumes). And i'm thinking of finding other stuffs from frens blogs or site, whatever's cool like stuff they wrote, artworks,photos they snap, anything to fill up the mag other future issue. And i created a network where people can share those stuff or whatever at ning.com, visit PIMPCAGE and become a member, everyone's invited.

oh, the mag is called PIMP which stands for Poetry In Motion Publication.

junxkingaround

2007-02-24T20:28:00.000+08:00

Cloudy Girl

Everyday is a walk in the unknown forest
With you is like the sun is hiding
Can’t you open the window and let the light in?
Or just throw the keys here where I’m waiting

Cloudy girl she doesn’t make sense
Sometimes she just kept on raining
I’m clueless like a bird without wings
I’m keeping my faith ever since

Celebrating Big In A Small Way

Hiding myself in a corner of a shelf
This galaxy is too big for me to stay at rest
Pushing myself further into a revolving atmosphere
At last I’m here, I’m here, I’m here
Only to find that I’m nowhere, not there
Falling apart again in cloudy wheather
It’s strange that it seems to comfort
It’s a place where the end is the beginning
Where winning is never the feeling
So here I am again and again
Hoping to find a new place to stay
I’m celebrating big in a small way
Lying flat on the bed with a pray

19th February 2007

Hideout

It’s here where I run to
Where I find my playing ground
My private oasis my shelter of peace
A place where all the world is shut out
Where I sneaked to escape ire
In the cornerspace inside my head
The playhouse which I rambled
Sweet sound sweet melody
I wander I float I fly
Drifting…until the tides diffused

My Night With Moon

Sweet sweet moon is rising
Higher and higher until it hides behind the clouds
On a dark night like this only the lonely will cry
How high is the is the hope and how low is the expectation
How dreary is the waking hours and how painful is the wait

Can it get more darker?
Only the sneaking moon can help
Dim lights through the clouds
One should realized that the moon does not hide
It’s always there shadowed by the dark clouds
Only to appear when the murky clouds passed by
Pushed by the wind of circumstances

Hoping my dark clouds would pass faster
Blown away swiftly by the wind of joy
And let the light shines on and on

Sister Blister

She could be my first line of defense
She could be my concrete alibi
Oh wby oh why oh why
You turn your back at me
I try I try I try
But it never can and will be
I could be your best friend
I could lend you a helping hand

Lightouts

2007-01-17T18:36:00.000+08:00

Life work in mysterious ways. This is a fact I know for sure. Here I am, 2007. Still looking for that 'something'. Macam nak pecah kepala hotak tapi masih belum gila. Atau aku yang tak tahu aku dah gila. Hahaha.. Lagipun mana ada orang gila yang akan mengaku dia gila. Cuma orang mengaku gila yang biasa aku dengar dan lihat adalah orang-orang yang nak melepaskan diri dari hukuman mahkamah. Supaya dia selamat dari kena hukuman berat. Sebab dia gila, kononnya lah. Ada juga keistimewaan orang gila ni. Ada kekebalan dari segi undang-undang dunia dan juga akhirat mungkin (tapi bagi yang betul-betul gila la).

Sometimes I think that I'm the most luckiest person on earth, but sometimes I think to myself, "What the f**k am I doing?". But, I'm determined to make it. I have always been. There's no return. To be or not to be, f**kin shakespeare. Aku penat. I feel like sleeping on top of a scoop of vanilla ice cream. Coolin away.Chillin out. Take a break. F**k it if I am f**kin insane. But who care anyway?

Flood Blood Karma

2007-01-02T04:10:00.000+08:00

26/12/06
Dalam Buakan Disember

Siapa yang boleh halang kuasa alam selainNya
Kebarangkalian-kebarangkalian yang di luar kawalan
Walau dikira, dikaji dan dihalusi dari setiap segi dan sisi
Akur sahaja anak-anak Adam dan Hawa

Sedar dan sedia setiap masa
Bukankah kita yang jadi penyebabnya
Secara langsung atau tidak
Kita pengganggu-pengganggu alam
Yang membuat rumah sementara ini seperti hamba

Kitalah perosak, pemusnah dan para parasit
Demi kemodenan dan atas nama revolusi tamadun
Bergegar titik imbang dan kesempurnaan alam
Dirompak, dicabul dan didera oleh tangan-tangan rakus
Yang menghalalkan semua demi kemudahan singkat
Sedikit demi sedikit bumi berdarah

Dan waktu-waktu yang parah hampir tiba
Ketika langit terpecah-pecah berminyak
Bersinar terang merah seperti mawar
Dan alam yang bergelora sepanjang tahun
Sudahkah kita bersedia?

Disember yang tidak disangka di Johor
Aku yang sedang duduk-duduk dan hujan yang masih lebat di luar
Malam yang sejuk yang membuai fikiran
Namun aku belum mampu lena
Ramai yang menderita
Dan masih ada rancangan dendam alam kepada kita
Tapi bukankah itu salah kita semua?

“The cost of living is the cause of death”

Omong

Cakap-cakap yang aku tidak gentar
Esok lusa tulat asyik-asyik perkara yang sama
Tak penat ke lidah kau bergetar?
Tak sakitkah rahang kau bergegar?

Kata-kata yang hampir dusta tak kiralah kalau ada sedikit kebenaran
Umpama makanan yang tersentuh najis walau sedikit
Akan tidak dijamah
Apalagi fakta kau yang bercampur tipu helah

Ikutkan hati aku tidak perlu layan
Ikutkan marah aku tentu akan buat kau sakit
Tapi buat apa melayan omong najis kau
Mendengar cacian dari mulut kau yang longkang
Nanti satu hari kau akan tumbang dan terbongkang

Kalau la bukan dari sebab mulut kau yang selalu cakap sonsang
Dan mungkin bukan oleh aku tapi orang yang kau akan sumbangkan
Mungkin nanti kau sedar akan mulut kau yang celupar
Mengeluarkan kata-kata dusta liar
Dan hari-hari kau akan terus berubah dan penuh dengan penyesalan

“If you’re lying, you’re dying”

My Private Autopsy

Looking into the mirror with a blank stare
Asking questions, “When, how and where?”
“I live today and that’s all that matters”, he answered
The other he would never be satisfied

He would never agree immediately
“What’s the point of living when in fact you’re dying?”
He paused for a few seconds only to answer,
“What’s the point of dying without living the best of your life?”

He let himself fall back to the bed
His eyes closed tight
“I tried, I tried and I tried”
He answered again only in his head,
“So you’ve tried and so does everybody”“So what?!”
“Become better at trying or the best is to become better in doing”
He opened his eyes, his body it felt light
“I will”

“Kesempurnaan hanyalah khayalan, pencarian akan menentukan”

30/12/06

Buaya Banjir

Terlantar di katil hospital
Badan sakit mengeletar
Hilang satu anggota
Hidup pasti menderita

Tangan yang memecahkan kaca kedai
Tangan yang juga pantas menggapai
Harta itu bukan milikmu
Harta itu biarkan di situ

Otak yang yang mahu ambil kesempatan
Walaupun banjir orang kesusahan
Tanpa sedar tanpa kau duga
Hari ini bukan kau yang punya

Sang buaya juga mahukan kesempatan
Sang buaya datang diam-diam membaham
Hukum karma hukum alam hukum tuhan
Tangan hilang buaya hilang dari pandangan

Kau jerit kau pekik kau lolong
Merasa sakit meminta belas meminta tolong
Hilang pandangan gelap kelihatan kau pengsan
Sedar-sedar di hospital terbaring suram

Sang buaya juga tidak hidup lama
Diburu ditangkap dan dibunuh juga
Perutnya di belah hingga terbuka
Dan kelihatan tanganmu menggenggam telefon bimbit nokia

HumanOidHumanVoid

2006-12-22T19:30:00.000+08:00

Hola! This is kinda fuckin' long one...at times when i kinda bored with myself... it's my bebel anyway..

Manusia :
Aku dicipta untuk satu tujuan. Menjadi khalifah di muka bumi ini. Berbuat kebaikan untuk diri sendiri dan sekian mahluk ciptaanNya. Aku dilahirkan bogel tetapi tidak ternilai. Aku ibarat kain putih yang perlu dicorak dengan nilai-nilai tertentu. Nilai-nilai yang mungkin warna-warna elok dan terang sedap dipandang tetapi mungkin sahaja terselit warna-warna muram dan kehitaman yang comot. Pemilikku adalah ibubapaku tetapi kami sekeluarga dimilikiNya. Aku tidak kekal sama tetapi membesar secara fizikal dan mental dan berhijrah dari semasa ke semasa. Kuasa ku terdapat berbagai-bagai bentuk. Ada kuasa terletak pada pengetahuan, fizikal atau kedudukan. Tetapi walau bagaimanapun besar kuasaku, aku tetap hamba padaNya. Walau pun kekadang aku terlupa atau sengaja buat-buat lupa amanahNya padaku.

Duit, kau membuat ku bekerja untuk mendapatkanmu. Supaya aku mampu memiliki yang lain melaluimu. Kebanyakannya berbentuk lahiriah. Dan dari lahiriah inilah kekadangkan boleh memberikan aku kepuasan batin, kesenangan dalaman atau memenuhi santapan jiwaku. Salahkan aku kalau bercita-cita untuk mendapatkan seberapa banyak duit?

Otak :
Aku diciptaNya seiring dengan setiap mahkluk yang wujud. Mungkin berlainan bentuk dan keupayaan. Sudah tentu sahaja begitu kerana setiap makhluk berbeza tujuan diciptakanNya. Tetapi aku hanya alatnya sahaja. Ya, aku ibarat lampu suluh sahaja. Untuk menyala aku perlukan sumber tenaga, aku perlukan bateri. Jika bateriku lemah maka suramlah sinarku dan sebaliknya. Akal adalah bateriku. Akallah sumber tenagaku.

Akal :
Aku melihat, mendengar, merasa, menilai dari setiap sudut yang aku mampu lihat, dengar dan rasa. Setelah sekian lama mengumpulkan ilmu dan pengalaman. Aku tidak pernah kekal sama. Sudah tentu kerana setiap masa dan hari aku terdedah kepada perkara-perkara baru. Aku kemaskini semuanya.

Ya, aku yang mengarahkan semua anggota-anggota lain bertindak dan berkelakuan semahunya tetapi ada satu unsur lain yang mempengaruhiku. Kadang-kadang aku sendiri lemah untuk melawannya. Apbila manusia sebut ‘masuk akal’, itulah kesan dariku. Tetapi apabila ‘tidak masuk akal’ yang dilakukan walaupun sudah tahu itu salah atau mustahil, aku tiada kuasa menghalang. Dia lebih menguasai keadaan ketika itu. Dia adalah hati. Dia adalah emosi.

Hati :
Aku dan perasaan tidak tahu mengapa aku sering dipersalahkan. Ikut hati, mati atau menunjuk perasaan, mogok, piket, marah, dendam kesumat. Bukankah aku juga memberi rasa kasihan, rasa simpati, rasa cinta, rasa kasih dan sayang?

Duit:
Aku dicipta untuk satu tujuan. Aku dijana dengan satu nilai. Aku diguna untuk apa-apa yang nilai aku boleh ditukarkan. Aku boleh jadi hitam atau putih ditangan pemilikku. Pemilikku bertukar-tukar dari semasa ke semasa. Sukar untuk aku kekal pada satu tempat yang sama setiap masa. Aku bekerja untuk manusia tetapi kadang-kadang aku pelik melihat manusia itu sendiri menghambakan diri mereka untukku. Aku tiada kuasa tetapi kadang-kadang aku memberi kuasa. Aku hanya hamba tetapi kadang-kadang aku boleh menjadi tuan.

Aku boleh buat orang gembira dan mungkin juga hiba. Keranaku juga manusia sering berubah-ubah sifat, kelakuan atau peribadi. Mereka boleh jadi marah, bergaduh, bertengkar, semua keranaku. Mereka boleh jadi pencuri, pencopet dan juga pembunuh demi keranaku. Ya, ada yang menggunakan ku untuk kebaikan, menolong orang lain, memperbaiki kehidupan. Tetapi sering sahaja aku dijadikan punca segala kejahatan sedangkan aku tiada kuasa secara langsung untuk tujuan-tujuan itu. Tetapi jikalau kebaikan-kebaikan pula, tangan -tangan yang memberi mendapat nama. Aku tidak mahu nama, aku sudah ada namaku sendiri. Salahkah aku kerana menjadi rebutan manusia?

Open Arms

2006-12-16T17:35:00.000+08:00

Buka Jiwa Pasti

Apabila terbuka kulit pada badan ini
Dan yang menerjah keluar adalah sinar silau
Hangat indah berkilau
Kau pasti tersenyum
Kau pasti terpegun

Akan ku nyanyikan bait-bait cinta agung
Berdendang irama sesegar angin pagi di gunung sepi
Senyaman air yang mengalir dari punca bumi
Kau pasti riang
Kau pasti girang

Dan jika kau bertanya, Kenapa saat ini?
Kerana inilah waktu yang pasti
Waktu yang mengizinkan harapan bersemi
Aku pasti sedia
Aku pasti setia

Aidilfitnah

2006-10-28T17:57:00.000+08:00

Hola! I'm back to blogging. Raya takde buat apa2, juz menghadap komputer, tulis-tulis benda-benda kat bawah tu. N play some guitars till 3am. Cume raya ke 3 je aku kuar tu pun gi extra beli roti n some vcds. Umah yang aku gi satu je. Tu pun jiran, pada raya ke 3..haha..aku semakin jadi seprti anti sosial..sial sungguh!

21/10/06

Hangok-Hangok Gebang-Gebang

Duduk-duduk di sini, NY, Modesto, Handle Bar, Eskimo
Kaki silang-silang, pinggul goyang-goyang,
jalan huyung-hayang
Irama negro hip hop atau apa sahaja asal bahagia,
tepuk poket tanya selera
J.D, Chivas Regal, Johnny Walker, kurang-kurang pun Skol beer
Hari minggu yang indah atau rabu lady’s nite, asalkan line clear

Hantuk-hantuk gelas, barulah ada class
Penuhkan saf-saf terabur di dance floor tepat pukul dua belas
Alah kepala dah sedap, one shot kira hebat
Bedal apa je step, gelap apa? mana nampak rupa…
Malam ni kita yang punya!
Tapi nanti balik buat kira-kira ya, sapa hutang sapa
Bil semua kena tong-tong, jangan buat bodo! Asik kad kredit aku je…

Anak bangsa aku yang aku cintai,
Besar panjang dah cukup sifat, konon tahu apa dia buat
Yelah, dah keje duit sendiri, lebih 18 tahun dah atas bumi
Susah senang tanggung sendiri, lu apa peduli!

Sebab tu aku suka diam diri
Sebab tu aku tak peduli lagi
Aku pun bukan baik sangat
Tapi yang penting pun beb beringat!
Makbapak korangnye keringat…

“We shit & eat in the same bowl,
The difference is that you get old while I grow old”

24/10/06

Foto Aminah

Dia terus belek-belek kertas di tangan
Senyum-senyum sendirian berangan-angan
Pertama kali wajahnya ditangkap
Pertama kali melihat diri atas kertas lengkap

Tapi Aminah bukan itu sahaja cerita yang terungkap
Kisah kau yang umur 8 tahun hidup sedang melarat
Tinggal dengan ibumu dan adik-beradik tanpa mengharap
Kais pagi makan lusa dan kadang-kadang tiada apa pun

Tapi realiti bagi 8 tahun sepertimu tiada apa bezanya
Duniamu hanya dalam pangkuan ibu dan luar pondok usang itu
Cahaya padamu adalah matahari atau bulan di malam suram
Hiburanmu melihat anak-anak ayam dan bermain pasir halaman

Cukuplah, apalagi yang manusia perlu selain makan, minum dan udara
Santapan ikan kering dan ulam pucuk ubi serta air teh yang kadangkala tiada gula
Cukup buat kau adik-beradik berselera dan tidur lena
Baju lusuh yang kau pakai cukup untuk melawan sejuk malam

Hari ini nasibmu terbela,atau mungkin untuk seketika
Setelah pondok usang didatangi orang-orang yang kau lihat pelik
Dengan makanan dan bungkusan aneka yang pelik-pelik juga
Berbondong-bondong tiba bersama alatan rakaman dan kamera

Pertama kali kau melihat mata ibu bersinar-sinar gembira
Dan seketika mengalir air mata bercerita tentang ayahmu yang sudah tiada
Dan nasib kamu sekeluarga yang dilanda azab derita kesempitan dunia
Tapi sudah tentu kau bingung dan tidak faham, Bukankah sudah cukup semua ada?
Anak-anak ayam, pasir di halaman, ulam dan baju lusuh yang kau pakai?

Esok lusa ramai lagi kunjung mengunjung pondokmu
Realitimu sedikit-dikit berubah,
Anak patung, baju cantik, air milo dan sardin dalam tin
Orang-orang itu tidak lagi kelihatan pelik atau jelik

Ibu membelek-belek helaian kertas di tangannya
Aminah pula kelihatan pelik, tidak pernah melihat ibu membaca suratkhabar
Kemari lihat wajahmu anakku
Di muka hadapan akhbar harian, cerita sisipan keluarga malang
Hari ini mungkin ada sedikit sinar harapan

Aminah terus memegang helaian kertas akhbar
Pertama kali melihat fotonya
Aminah nasibmu baik

Tunggu

Aku setia menantimu sehingga rumput tumbuh kembali
Hari-hari setelah kau jejak pergi tanpa aku di sisi
Di malam hari aku termenung sendiri
Mengenang nasib bagai digantung tak bertali

Aku tunggu esok hari
Esok yang tiada noktah
Hanya tuhan aku berserah
Engkau kembali membawa tuah

Mungkin salah aku membiarkanmu pergi
Apabila hati tidak bersatu lagi
Apabila kalbu dibakar api
Semuanya gelap dan tidak dimengerti

Aku tunggu dan terus tunggu mu di sini

Experimento Plabu

2006-06-29T12:47:00.000+08:00

Ever heard the saying "a friend in need is a friend indeed"? Here is a little experiment i came out with that you could try on your friends and to check out if the saying is of any value. Your task is to ask your friends to lend you some money for an emergency case. Make up something or just say that it's too personal to tell. The amount? Up to you..let say around 300 to 500. You could use the best channel, and that is your handphone through sms which is cheaper than a call. Or you could use your messenger. Or if you could manage, see them face to face. I still think sms is the best method though. Now let see what responses you will get. But here are some that you would receive and in no particular order :

1. No reply (if u're using sms or messenger). There are some possibilities that led to this such as your friend is too busy to answer, no credit to answer back, don't care to reply, got no money to lend and embarassed to reply with a no, don't wanna help (could be you got bad debts with ¡¥em or maybe they just hate u!), wrong number, the message was not received (communication provider¡¦s err) etc.
2. Reply with questions, probing on why the need of your so called emergency loan. The interrogations could take hours but ended up saying how she or he is sorry to hear your problem (in actual fact, he/she is not and quite happy to hear your misery) but¡Kyes, after outgoing and ingoing smses in between, the answer is NO, "No, I can't lend you the money because I already used my budget to get my car repaired, to pay my insurance, to get my hair done, oh you're just a day late,bla, bla, bla.. And you said to yourself, "why didn't you said that earlier so I wouldn't waste my time and phone credit with you¨.

3. Reply with a No and sincerely telling you why he/she unable to help although he/she wanted to and expressing how embarassed that he/she unable to help and saying sorry.

4. Reply with a yes but can't lent you the full amount.

5. Reply with a yes, asking ¡§When you want it?. No other question asked, except maybe , "When will you pay up?, casually. Or in some cases, "Don't worry, pay me when you have it¨

Now, what would this experiment achieved or led you to? Hmm..well, why don't you try it and see for yourself. But be ready, as you might get your reputation damaged within your circle of friends or just from a personal perspective. But it really depends on your friends attitude themselves. Some people as you would know got the uncontrol urge to tell around. But some don't. So I guessed there are some risks at stake in this experiment, but there are also results that could give you useful informations. And yes, you too would developed a new perspective about your friends according to their responses. Just remember to not get carried away by your emotions and put yourself inside their shoes. Anyway your instincts will tell you something.
I know for a fact that borrowing money is not good( but not evil) but there is a time or some point in our life that we don't know we would get into a slump or so "koyak" that borrowing money from relatives or friends is a way out, right? Well I have. And there is a Malay saying "Tangan yang memberi adalah lebih baik daripada tangan yang menerima", in English could be something like this, "The hands that gives is better than the hands that receives¨. Well I think sometimes the hands that gives are not that good as the owners do it for the wrong reasons or intentions. Like publicity or tax deductions. Alah yang penting ikhlas. Be sincere!
Robert Kiyosaki will tell you that there is a good debt and there is a bad debt. A good debt will bring in profits while the bad debt will not, anyway that's why it's called bad, duh! Like a loan to start a business or investments that would bring in profits is a good debt. Well get his book if you wanna know more.

Now back to the experiment. Let say you sent the request to 200 chosen friends and relatives. And 50% replied with a positive response (that's no. 4 & 5, regardless of what they or you think about them). Let say the average loan is around 350 and multiply it with 100 (50%), will give you about 35,000! Hmm..a friend in need is a friend INDEED! or IN DEBT TO,whichever you like it.

Now what would you do with the money? Well, a lot. But remember, it's a fucking loan, you have to be responsible and return it! And remember Kiyosaki? Be smart and make it into a good debt. Let say you put it into a fixed deposit account with a 10% yearly interest for a year. You will get 3,500 (before tax, if there is and if my math is correct) by the end of 12 months. How about throwing a fabulous party for your friends, your IN NEED friends? What would they say about you now? Fancy throwing a great party and get the word around, good words and the repo you will get around your friends. Or just send thank you cards and also their money back respectively and treat yourself to a nice vacation and send them more postcards and how thankful you are to have them as your friends and how you wish they were there with you!

floating

2006-06-09T12:55:00.000+08:00

It's been quite a while since I post anything here. Things just ain't happening the way I want em to be. And as always, I'm taking the time to be away. Distance is a therapy. It might hurt some people around me, but it is for the best. I'm sounding selfish. I think I am. Time will tell..

I missed my futsal game today. All because of waiting for someone to come. I hate waiting. Of all the days in a week, and today is the day i always looking forward to, and there you go, I missed the futsal game. I fucking hate this. Shitus nimfus! Have to wait for next week. It's not about the male-bonding or a bunch of guys doing guy things, argh, girls plays too, its just that, there, in the court, where i feel so free, nothing feels like futsal. Fuck! why did they came late!

Imatlost

She killed me and then a million times more
I awake finding her still at the door
She smiles and then came and kissed my eyes
And gone in a blink of an eye without saying good bye
I'm going blind with all her disquise
I'm sinking deep inside her sweet shinning pie
She whispered to my ears all those kind words
I'm lost again as my head hit the dirt..

Marah

2006-05-07T12:58:00.000+08:00

Getting angry is easy. Getting angry at the right people for the right reason, at the right degree and at the right time is not easy. Aristotle said that. Well, some sort like that, i can't remember the original quote. Anyway, he's "totlely" right. I bet, Aristotle ni mesti panas baran orangnya. But how do we control our anger? Keeping our cool? Everybody gets angry sometimes right?

I learned this kind of anger management lesson long time ago from my ustaz."Kalau marah, kalau awak sedang berdiri maka duduklah, kalau tak hilang marah juga, maka berbaringlah, kalau masih marah, mandilah". Itulah yang dia cakap. Pernah aku ikut jugak, and it works, tapi taklah sampai kena mandi. Tapi betullah, api kan lawannya air? Tapi aku rasa bukan pasal aku duduk marah itu beransur hilang, tetapi apabila aku teringat nasihat dan terbayangkan muka ustaz itu sendiri, aku jadi hilang fokus untuk marah.

Back to Mr. Aristotle words, getting angry at the right people? Apa akan jadi kalau the right people is myself? To what degree i have to be mad at myself? Tapi aku rasa bila aku marah kat diri aku sendiri, aku tak menyusahkan orang lain kan? Arghh..baik aku sit, lie down or get wet, whichever works!

Btw,just watched MI3. Not going to bebel on how great is the stunts and all, coz it's excellence in giving satisfaction, actionpackedwise. But as soon as I walk out from the cinema, the thrill is gone, and i forgot all about it. But what really stuck in my head was the scene where Ethan Hunt was tied to the chair opposite of his"wife" who is also tied up with a gun to her head. At that point of time, how would you feel when you see your loved ones just inches away from you and threatened to be kill? And you can't do anything about it. Imagine how would you feel seeing your loved ones killed/died in front of you and you got no power to stop it? The feeling of pain, anger, extreme sadness, the rollercoaster of emotions that you're going through. Anyway that is all MI3 delivered to me, other than great stunts, actions, adrenaline rush (gez i remember the fun stuff too).

Swung

2006-05-04T13:01:00.000+08:00

In no mood to blog. Opted to read other people's blog. And links in their blog too. Kinda piss off with things around my life right now. And the fingers doesn't run smooth on this keyboard or the guitar. Everything's ugly.

Ghost

I'm always here
At the beginning of the end
Trying to find a place and a stand
Why I'm here I don't understand
Could it be I'm just a haunting ghost?
Living in a dead world
Screaming for help but no one listens
Bleeding in pain dreaming of heaven
Or just confused of nothing but self pity ness
Lack of everything and every senses
Never I hold my future in my hands
My body only consumes boredom
Yet my heart wanting freedom
I¡¦m a walking lost ghost
I¡¦m just a failure-infected host.

bleedings by mosh from The Ghost Of Love

Wasteland

2006-04-30T13:04:00.000+08:00

I'm bloody empty, my happy medium drained to the bottom. Finding solutions in this mystical so called journey.Yet I'm hungry, I'm hungry to find my self. Way over the victim mindset. Way over whatever there is to cry about. Haah! I'm might seem to be writing (talking) nonsense. But what is nonsense? Something you failed to sensed? Then you're the failure. It's easy to say and suggest things. It's easier when you're on the otherside looking in. Why don't you come inside and share the sights? Your words they all come out empty. Hollow.

Semut Gila

Duduk-duduk kat sini selalu sunyi
Iyelah, mestilah, di tempat-tempat sebegini, di waktu-waktu begini
Sebenarnya bukan aku saje sorang di sini
Bukan aku sorang saja sorang diri
Lihat tu ada semut-semut yang rajin
Tak reti tido-tido lagi
Macam aku, tak reti tido-tido lagi
Tapi aku tak serajin semut-semut itu
Tak sekuat semut-semut itu yang boleh mengangkat beban berpuluh-puluh kali berat dirinya
Kalaulah aku semut, aku mesti kuat
Mengangkat berat beban masalah-masalah aku ini
Tapi kalau aku semut, aku mesti tak tido juga walaupun dah kuat
Kalau aku semut, akulah semut yang paling keliru
Aku tak ikut barisan semut lain
Menyimpang tak tentu pasal
Iyelah, bosan! Angkat gula, letak gula, ambil gula, letak gula¡K
Aku boleh jadi semut gila!

burnings by mosh from This Angry Pen

spektakulost

2006-04-24T13:06:00.000+08:00

akulostakulostakulost
findnothingfindnothing
sempitsempitsempitsempit
sakitsakitsakitsakitsakitsakit
gottagetawaygottagetaway
tapimanatapimana
suarayangtersekatdalamgelaphitampekat
termenongmenongkatmalam
akudambadamaisampai

Losskjap

2006-04-21T13:16:00.000+08:00

Aku jarang update sekarang, simply for the reason aku jarang online sekarang. Tak bz mana pun. Just lost dalam diri sekejap (rasa macam bertahun). Hibernation in perfume garden. Lama tak dengar lagu tuh..

Sejak akhir-akhir ni, dekat suratkhabar, kat majalah (aku jarang baca, tak beli pon), tv, banyak cerita pasal ketakpuashatian artis2 malaysia terhadap kebanjiran artis2 luar negara, yang menyedihkan lagi bukannya orang lain tapi artis dari negara serumpun. Yelah pasal kes AIM 06, Ahli Fiqir, Anita Sarawak, kes artis indon yang banyak buat show kat sini dan juga macamana artis dari Malaysia yang selalu kena sekat. Yang peliknya artis dari barat2 yang sememangnya dah berlambak-lambak tidak pulak masuk cerita. Aku bukan apa, bukan nak bebual dunia atau tunjuk terror. Iyalah pada aku seni (muzik, filem atau apa saja) mana boleh disekat. Kalau pon disekat luarannya, tetapi kalau patinya (mesej, ruh, niat) sampai ke hati, maka itulah seninya.

Kenapalah manusia ni nak berpuak-puak, sendiri buat yang terbaik kan bagus, dan biar pencinta seni (yang lebih tepat hati mereka) yang menilainya. Iyelah manusia bila terancam maka buatlah aksi protes, tapi biarlah pikir dulu sebelum bertindak.

Aku sendiri juga tak terkecuali dalam mengkategorikan sesuatu tetapi aku akur dan tewas kepada roh seni itu sendiri. Aku tak suka dangdut apatah lagi hindustan. Tapi kadangkala aku terdengar bunyian dari corong radio atau tv, dan aku tak dapat menyekat keenakan bunyian, hati aku pilih, walaupon aku dah kategorikan jenis seni itu aku tak suka. Akhirnya aku buat rumusan bahawa yang baik, enak dan indah itu seni walaupon dari mana pun sumbernya dan kategori yang lagi satu lagi adalah sampah semata. Jadi ada dua sahaja pada ku, seni atau sampah.

Perkara sebegini bukan sahaja berlaku dalam dunia seni malah apa sahaja, bila aku fikir dan menong2. Iyelah, kita kadangkala fikir pasal bangsa kita, agama kita, negeri kita, negara kita dan apa sahaja perbezaan2 yang wujud sesama manusia. Tetapi bukankah kita semua mahlukNya? Yang sama sahaja tak kira bangsa dan warna kulit, darjat dan pangkat (macam lagu mawi lak).

Kan aku cakap aku lost...

Ape Say (What Kata)?

2006-04-09T13:20:00.000+08:00

Apa kata kalau malam ini tak berkesudahandan berpanjangan seperti tidak akan ada lagi sianguntuk esok, lusa dan mungkin untuk satu masa yang panjangYang ada cuma panahan anak-anak mentari di celah-celah awan tebal yang gelap, Adakah kita akan takut?Apakah kita akan sujud?Apakah kita akan terus wujud?

Bukan aku nak menakut-nakut atau cuba membuat berita derita gundah gulana.Bukan aku memandai-mandai, mereka-reka, meneka-neka sesaja-saja.Tanya saja kemungkinan ini pada ahli saintis seperti dalam National Geographic yang aku tengok tadi di kaca TV. Lake Toba si supervolcano yang meletus 75,000 tahun dahulu. Engkau nengoklah sendiri siaran ulangan Astro, entah-entah tadi yang aku tengok pun ulangan. Tahu sajalah cable tv yang mengulang-ngulang siaran,sekerap ulangan iklan di chanel AXN ketika KungFu Hustle semalamnya. Argh, tapi aku melencong dari topik asal aku...

Apa kata beb?
**lagu "Kata" Hazami tu dengo banyak kali macam sedap jugak..

A LONG BEBELISM

2006-03-14T13:23:00.000+08:00

Hari Terakhir Ketidakwarasan

Hari ini dia dibebaskan dari pusat itu. Setelah bertahun-tahun dikurung kerana tidak cukup sempurna untuk hidup bersama-sama yang lain yang lebih teratur dan bertamadun. Diasingkan supaya lebih selamat kepada sekeliling. Dikaji, diuji dan diubati oleh pakar-pakar psikologi dan jururawat-jururawat bertauliah.

Setelah dia diyakini bahawa telah kembali normal ke dunia yang satu ini dan bukan dimensi tersendiri lagi. Setelah dia diyakini ketawa kerana rasa jenaka yang diucapkan oleh mereka yang waras dan bukan jenaka peribadinya sendiri atau tentang apa-apa yang tidak mereka lihat menggelikan hati. Apabila mendapati dia berkata-kata dalam keadaan yang sedar dalam emosi dan bukan emosi dengan renungan mata yang kosong melihat pada tempat atau benda yang tidak kelihatan. Apabila dia kelihatan menangis dengan sebab yang boleh dimengerti dan boleh dikongsi. Apabila dia berkelakuan senonoh dan dengan ketrampilan bagai seorang manusia patut kelihatan. Apabila dia cukup sempurna di mata mereka-mereka yang gelar mereka waras dan cukup akal.

Dia disahkan telah bebas daripada penjara minda serabutnya. Dia patut dibebaskan juga secara fizikal ke dunia realiti ini.Dia tidak lagi dikongkong oleh rasa pelik dan aneh. Atau yang lebih tepat, dia tidak lagi kelihatan pelik dan aneh.

Dia waras semula. Dia dimengerti dan mengerti. Tentang menjadi manusia seperti yang mana patut manusia bersifat. Tapi belum tentu dia aman. Belum tentu dimensi ini nyaman. Kerana dimensi ini juga penjara bagi yang lalai.

c C Around

2006-03-07T13:25:00.000+08:00

Hari ni aku tak buat apa2 produktif. Kepala sakit, masalah sahaja. So aku membuang masa duduk-duduk kat angsana memerhatikan manusia. Try baca apa yang mereka mereka sedang hadapi. Aku mengira jarak antara pasangan yang sedang berjalan. Ada tuh dah berumur, suami jalan depan muka masam je atau garang, isteri belakang, sama gak, macm tak happy je dorang ni. Macam terpaksa.

Ada satu couple, couple muda, suami pegang tangan anak sebelah kanan dan isteri pegang sebelah kiri, smiles all the way. They are happy i assume. Couple lagi satu, lagi muda, i dont think theyre married yet, pegang tangan macam tak nak lepas, normal la tu, aku pikir.
Minah sebelah aku jual popiah crunchy. Tapi aku rasa dia boleh tambah lagi jualan dia kalau dia senyum sikit and stay at her stall, ada customer datang tapi die takde, so she lost her sale. Kan ke rugi tu?

Ah cont. nanti..time's up.

tORking AloNe

2006-03-02T13:36:00.000+08:00

Perkara yang paling bahaya adalah apabila seseorang itu berasa dia lebih pandai dari seseorang setiap masa. At least itu yang apa aku fikir. Satu kerugian yang sangat besar juga. Tapi, satu kerugian juga jika seseorang mengganggap dirinya lebih bodoh dari orang lain sehingga menyebabkan hilang harga diri, low self esteem lah. Cara yang paling baik mungkin bersikap terbuka tapi kritikal. Berfikir sebelum bercakap, diam ketika orang lain bercakap. Mungkin ini yang dinamakan accurate thinking oleh Napoleon Hill.

Buat seketika ini, ketika jari jemariku menaip, otakku bercakap-cakap dan berfikir serentak. Boleh ke macam gitu?

Kita tak boleh menipu otak kita sendiri. Teori aku la. Sama seperti kita tak boleh geletek diri kita untuk ketawa. (Cubalah) Alah, buat pe nak tipu otak sendiri? Tak ke bodoh namanya.
Perutku lapar kata otak aku. So aku stop bercakap kat sini ok. Blah dulu!

gR8!

2006-02-28T13:37:00.000+08:00

Life is great! Life is great! Although sometimes so perit, everyday aku nak menjerit, sampai tekak aku sakit, tapi takpe, life is great, God is great!

Oh God, sometimes it¡¦s so amazing that I just need to ask from you...and you would just give. Thank you!

stage/palm/critic

2006-01-27T13:41:00.000+08:00

"...the world's a stage.." says william. And how many of us have stage fright? Afraid of what the world has to offer. Fear. Feel trapped. Asking ourselves "Why am I here?" Question unanswered. Life unfulfilled. And contented to be drones, living which is equal to slowly dying. Hoping less pain inflicted. Sometimes forget we are infact dying each day. That's not so positive isn''t it? Well i am not in a postivite mood today, so what?

And how many of us is so brave, commiting stage dive. Taking risks. Not knowing people down there gonna catch us. But we dive anyway. If we fell to the floor it's not the end of our world. Just bruises and scars. Pain. Well pain tells us that we are alive. If we can't feel pain, then we already died. Everything good and meaningful comes with pain. A mother delivers a baby in pain not laughing. Heck, don't you remember, no pain no gain?

A baby born into the world with palm closed, fist to the world. He's the fighter! He's the winner! Or she. Whatever. No he's not crying. He's actually shouting to the world "Yooooo! I'm here man, I'm coming to get you!¨, of course in baby language. We could not dechiper or understand. And his mother cried too. She's happy. He is the new actor on this stage. He will play his roles. Whether he gonna become a hero,villain, samseng koreng, mat rempit, politician, pak pacak, stand up comedian, the jerk, the nerdy kid, the ustaz, the gay, whatever he chooses. There's no script, no director, no make up artist, no nothing. It's an impromptu. You create your own story. Your show. The curtain is open. The spotlight is on you. Action! No edits, no cuts, no CGI, no special effects, no stuntman. Or stuntwoman. Whatever.

And the man died, leaving this world, his stage..with his palms opened. And sometimes with eyes opened. Then we have to close it. Or in citer omputeh, put schillings on 'em. Mata duitan la kiranya. And his mother cried too, if she¡' still alive. Sad.

*****
We are what we chooses to do or not do. If we act stupid, we do things stupidly, then we are defined as stupid. But if we act clever, but still cannot perform in a cleverly (is there such word,excuse me i'm stupid) manner, people can say we are morons acting clever. Right me if i'm wrong. Wrong me if i'm right. What can i do, i'm confused.

But then there are the critics. They will say things based on assumptions, assessments, their way of thinking, their benefits or other people benefits, their tasks,their options, their opinions. And who are they to judged others. Beats me. Critics are everywhere. There are silent critics. People critic people, judging in their mind's eye without verbal notification. Simultaneously. I guessed it's natural. We are equipped with the tools to critic. Sometimes it's automatic. But you know what, a wiseman once said, well actually i read it, so he doesn't actually say to me, nevermind. He said, well it reads, "If you don't like critics, do nothing and be nothing¨. Correct him if he is wrong, don't worry, he can handle critics.

watderhel! bla3x

2006-01-24T13:51:00.000+08:00

Lie. Who doesn't? People who say they never lied are liars. People lie all the times. For different reasons. People lie to get themselves off the hook. "It wasn't me!¨."It's the truth, i didn't do it¨.People lie to protect others. "It was me not him¨. ¨People lie to comfort others. "No, you look fine, it look great on you baby!¨. To satisfy. People lie to hide their weakness. "Why is the moon seems to follow you son? Because the moon likes you¨.People lie to break free. "I'm going out with my girlfriends mom, no boys,be back early¨. When a lie turns to cheat, it get worse. "No, honey, i'll will love you forever, i never knew that woman, never met her before, you know you're the only one for me love". "This is a bargain miss, if don't buy it, you're gonna regret later, today is the last offer" .But still, lying and cheating is two different things. Two very very different things. But having a thing in common, human beings.

Question : Do you believe in happy endings? Right now, me, i just wish for happy in betweens, don't care about endings or beginnings. Just want my fair cut of happiness in this unfair world!

Six

2006-01-24T03:27:00.000+08:00

Here again.Why????? Just feel like it. I guess.
Almost a week since. Feel kinda fucked up with all things happening rite now. So this will be my ventilation space.

Feels like listening to SOAD all day. I'm kinda angry. But i dont know why, who or what??

Feels like there's a huge motherfucking rock on top of my head. Never moving. Pushing me down day after day.

I'm sick. I'm sick.

back in black

2006-01-15T03:59:00.000+08:00

yeah.it's the ac/dc album title. why? juz for the sake of filing in the title column and becoz its been so long that i have not post any entries here. Most of my entries goes to this blog. And i have neglected this blog.

it's a new year already, so i thought,it's good to start blogging back here. 2006.nobody is visiting this blog,since i moved to artctzen. but, thats not the reason on the 1st place why I blog. I write for myself, that's what i said before i ever start blogging.

i remember the earlier days of blogging.I would post entry everyday. That's when i got too much time on my hands. The time is a changing.Today, going online is not a priority to me since i've started new things.Like business and stuff.You know,the way to make money and not die of starvation.

I'm way off my goals in life and each day is such a pain. These past few weeks,my head is like an angry volcano. I found that it gets harder to sleep at nite. Juz like today. That's why i'm here. Killing time.

I;m drifting further from whatever that people seems to look out for.I didn't do it purposely. There's this magnet that kept pulling me away.

I started to analyze my dreams since I read a book on Dreams and Nightmares. I want to know what it means. For the record, i having dreams each time I sleep.Don't know if its normal or not.But who cares?

Am kinda getting bored right now. So i guess,I off for this entry. Till then...chow!

Inside Drama

2006-01-12T13:56:00.000+08:00

INTERNAL CONFLICT : PART ONE

I : Kenapalah hidup ini susah sangat?!

II : Siapa yang cakap hidup mesti senang hah?!

I : Bukan apa. At least bagilah aku warning ke, sign ke¡Ksakitlah macam gini selalu.

II : Ko ni tak reti-reti sabar ke? Tahan sikit. Be a man. Hold on.

I : Otak aku ni dah sakit lah bodo! Pikir benda-benda ni semua. Dah lama aku sabar. Ko paham tak pressure? Pressure? Ko la bodoh!

II : Kalau aku bodoh, ko lagi bangang. Aku kan ko.

I : Ahh! Diamlah sekejap!

II : Aku tak boleh diam selagi kau bernafas. Selagi ko waras. Selagi ko terfikir dan berfikir. Selagi ko mengelamun.

I : Ko ni memang tak paham bahasa. Aku cuma minta sedikit ruang. Sedikit time. Untuk tenang. Boleh tak?

II : Jangan tanya aku. Aku tak control aku. Kau yang control aku. Lalalalalalalala..

I : Damn! Sukati ko lah. God, I just need a break.

II : Why don't you go breakdancing. Might help a little. Hehe.

I : You don't know to fuckin shut the fuck up don't you? Arghhhhh....

II : Don't you know that if aku shut down means that ko dah shut down jugak? Kiok?

I : What if I like it to be like that? And how do you know that? Who told you?

II : Yeah you're right. I don't know. But it's a good guess isn't it?

I : Whatever! Kenapalah makbapak aku tak bitau sebelum lahir hidup ni susah sangat? Mengapa?

II : Teruslah mengeluh dan mengeluh. Bagus sangat lah tu¡K

I : Eh, ko ni dahlah tak bagi moral support. Memekak jer! Tolonglah pikir jalan. Ko kan cakap tadi kalau aku mampos ko pun mampos sama. Bodoh! Ko nak mati ker?

II : Err..taknak.

I : Dah tu? Bising jer.

II : Yek elehh!marah lah tu. Sorii¡...gurau jer.

I : Gurau tak kena tempat. Pandai!

II : Hehe. Macam tulah, cakap aku pandai, maknanye ko pun pandai jugak.

I : Bengang! Bengang! Bengang! Masalah tak henti. Kenapa dengan aku ni? Aku dah check satu badan takde pun chop "born loser" kat mana-mana. Things just seem not to go my way!

II : No comment.

I : Yes and I like it to be that way. Forever! Please.

II : Eleh..

I : Ko tau tak, aku belum nak mengalah sebenarnya. Aku cume bosan. Bosan sangat. Aku nak buat banyak sangat tapi yang datang halang pun banyak sangat. Aku tau. Sabar, sabar, sabar. Tu yang aku cakap selalu. Tu yang orang lain pun cakap kat aku. Tapi orang lain tak lalui apa yang aku lalui. Orang lain bukan aku.

II : hmm..teruskan emo therapy ko ni.

I : Do you know that you're a pain in the ass?

II : Yeah!vent out the anger. Teruskan..teruskan...

I : I would appreciate if just stay there and be quiet please.

II : Eleh.. You said to help, so I was helping you just now.

I : Excuse you. If I need help on emo and stuff, I would go to the professional, for you and me. Got it?

II : Got it, Mr. Know-it-all-but-kinda-sick-right-now.

I : Thanks Mr. Big Mouth. Now where was I just now? See you make me lose focus.

II : You should thank me. I'm taking your focus out of the problems. You should focus on solutions instead. Ways to get out of the mess we are in.

I : Maybe you're right. That's one good thing you said for today.

II : Yeah yeah...thank me later when you are not insane.

I : And you said "we" too.

II : I've told you we are one. No matter how insane you are and how brilliant I am.

I : Just as I was beginning to like you and you start it again. You like that don't you? Intimidating me? You get pleasure isn't it? You sick bastard.

II : It's part of my job. I'm here to answer you questions. To be the other side of the thought process. The other view of the story. Doesn't mean I'm right or wrong, but that's the way it goes. Whether you like it or not, it's up to you.

I : You know what? I don't remember you when I was younger. Where were you then mate?

II : That time you're not insane. Hahahahahhaha....

I : Fuck you!

THE BATTLE RAGES ON : PART 2

I : My head is getting heavier and the neck is getting stiffer¡Ksleep is not applicable. Masih tak faham. Kenapa and mengapa hidup ini mesti susah? Eh, kenapa dan mengapa ni dua benda yang berbeza ker?

II : Sama jer maknanya. Tu pun nak tanya ker?

I : Making sure la ngok.

II : Yang tak sama tu ejaan je. Lebih dari itu aku tak tahu. But maybe ada reason tersendiri. Maybe..

I : So you are not sure right?

II : I told you that already, didn't you hear?

I : Arghh forget it. Tak penting! Soalan utama tadi, kenapa hidup susah sangat?!

II : Aku tak perlu jawab tu. Ko tanya soalan yang terlalu subjektif. Pada orang lain mungkin beza jawapannya.

I : Aku tak nak jawapan untuk orang lain. Aku nak jawapan untuk aku.

II : Payah lah. Ko pun tahu aku ni sebahagian ko. Aku pun ada limited sources.

I : Takpe aku tak perlu jawapan ko pun. Aku rasa soalan tu pun dah jadi tak penting sekarang. Yang penting sebenarnya adalah macamana nak keluar dari susah ni. Tak perlu tahu kenapa!

II : Eh, omputeh kan ada cakap, if you need to settle things, go to the root of the problems.

I : Omputeh bukan semua betul ko tau? Apa yang best sangat omputeh tu yang ko bangga-banggakan hah? Apa kurangnya melayu? Ko tu bukan melayu? Kalau melayu asyik negatif terhadap melayu, sapa nak pertahankan melayu? Lama-lama melayu terus layu.

II : Aku bukan bangga-bangga, aku just quote je. Salah? So sentitif.

I : Bukan apa. Aku tahu melayu tak perfect. And melayu banyak tersasar. Melayu pun human, tend to become stupid once in a while and makes mistake. Tapi banyak sangat aku nampak dan dengar, melayu kutuk melayu. Yang tepuk tangan, mulut ternganga-nganga ketawa besar, bangsa lain. Dorang sebut padan muka, gaduh lagi, bagus! Bagus! Siapa yang rugi? Anak bangsa sendiri.

II : Ye ye. Faham faham. Aku dengar.

I : Tu lah, orang cakap, taknak dengar. Pergi mampos la ko ni.

II : Eleh, pagi-pagi bute ni nak bebel je. Mana tak pening kepala.

tbc...when i'm insane again..

baru

2006-01-04T14:04:00.000+08:00

fuhhhhh!new year! cepat betul masa berjalan atau berlari atau berlalu. nasib baik aku tak rasa tua. hahahahahhaa.

well, last year taklah best sgt tapi tak pun teruk sangat for me. As for this year, aku dah plan memacam and its gonna be great.

ade org kata its the year of saturn where bad things will happen but come to think of it, bad things always happens every year. memacam la lagi org cakap. Pada aku bad things r bound to happen but is how we manage things, our emo, ourself or the situation. Pergi mampos la org negative thinking ni!

31hb ari tu keta baru aku sampai. great selepas menunggu beberapa minggu dan berbakul ayat2 tak suci aku lemparkan pada salesman yg tak jujur tuh.

tahun ni aku sambung belajar.

tahun ni aku bukak new company.

tahun ni aku tak nak susah sangat. susah mesti ade kan?

sheety!

2005-12-30T14:06:00.000+08:00

if there is only another word to replace boredom, i would use it. coz ¡'m simply bored of using the word boredom to describe the past 3 weeks. how bout monotonous? nah, too long. how bout shitty? ya, its been 3 shitty weeks.

"darkness imprisoning me, all that i see absolute horror! i cannot see, i cannot die, trapped in myself, body my holding cell...."

words from james hetfield, song: one, album :...and justice for all

penah dengar lagu ni? hah lagu ni pasal ex-vietnam soldier crippled, lost his hands, legs, eyes... i kinda feel like that. helpless.

*****
"when a man lies, he murders some parts of the world, these are the pales tales which men miscalled their lives, this i cannot bear to witness any longer,cannot the kingdom of salvation, take me home..."

words : cliff burton, song: to live is to die

Renewal

2005-12-11T14:11:00.000+08:00

Blog ni dah tak diupdate sekian lama atas sebab2 yang sengaja aku malas cakap sebab cakap pon tak guna per. Ni aku update la ni. Dah diam jangan ckp banyak lagi....

Fall
This is where and when everything feels so right
The time that never seems to pass
Feelings that always on a high note
The place to be whatever it may be
You are always there
You are everywhere
Even in darkness
Or far away somewhere in nowhere
But here is where I want to be
In this bliss territory
Falling helplessly gracefully inside your heart
The time it never seems to pass
Feelings that always on cloud nine
To feel I'm yours and you are mine

Mosh05

Juz" A Peek!

2005-11-10T15:45:00.001+08:00

First of all, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri To All!Maafkan kalau ade terkasar bebel di ruangan ini atau di kotak-kotak komen kaorang...

D3 & MEAMI -KORANG TAK BAYO BIL TEL. KE DAH TUKO NO ??? Wa telepon banyak kali!erkkkk...

NONGCHA - aku sms ko, tak seribalaspun, aku nak telepon ko takut kopun kena charge n ko taksuke,maklumla spore 2,2kena charge..neway,hope u r ok!

Lama aku tak membebel kat c ni,reason: sibuk giler!takyah cerita la...
neway, aku malas nak blog anything..aku paste je short story yg aku scribble 2 minggu lepas...caloo..

BOY!O'BOY!This is a story about a boy who lost his way in search for a place in the heart of the world. He seeks beauty yet beauty is nowhere in sight. He searches happiness but happiness failed to appear. He looked out for a companion only to find solitude. Where did he gone wrong? He thought.

Empty handed; he continues his journey. His mind wandered as swift as his feet takes him further to the end of the world. He stopped to watch the birds. And thought; how it would be great if he could fly like the bird. Soaring high above in the sky. Touching the clouds and sits on top of the mountain.

Then his eyes looked at the sea. How big and vast the waters are. How it could fill the earth and spread the reflection of the sky so beautifully like a huge mirror. Then he wished he were the sea. To as be big and strong. As he watches and amazed at the waves of the sea, he felt a cool breeze upon his face and body.

Then he told himself, would it be nice if he were the wind. It would be better than being a bird. He would be invisible. He would go anywhere in the world without anyone seeing him He would go as high or higher than the birds and blow the trees and the sea.

And then he saw the sun. How powerful the sun is; he thought. Why am I not the sun? he thought. He would shine so bright and makes the rainbow after the rain. But then he thought, when it's night then the sun would disappear and gone. He wouldn't want that. He doesn't want to be replace by the moon. He sighs.

His eyes gazed at the mountain afar. So majestic and beautiful; he thought. Not like here where he is standing. He then closed his eyes and pictured himself flying like the bird soaring to the mountain. How beautiful is the sea underneath him. He could see his own reflection on the surface. He sees wings spread wide and the sparkles in the waters below. He could also see some fishes swimming around.

He feels the wind blowing against his face and the resistance uplifts his body. He looked up and saw the sun smiling at him. The warmth of the sun and the ray lights his way. And then he flew over and through the rainbow. What a wonderful feeling!

As he nears the peak of the mountain, he felt eager to reach it. The wonderful sight that he seen from the beach. The beautiful place he flew from far to see and feel. But then as he reaches the top, he eyes saw nothing but rocks, small bushes and some snow. This is not the splendor I saw from below; he told himself. This is so ordinary. Nothing special.

He felt disappointed. He sat on the rocks with his hands on his head looking down. He suddenly felt the cold that the peak present. He also felt the loneliness there.
He lifted his head and watch straight at the place where he flew from. He stared and told himself, "What a beautiful sight!" . And he suddenly realized that before this, that place was just common as common as where he sits now. But now, it turns to be a sight to look at.

He asks himself, "What is beautiful?"

He opened his eyes and sees that he is still there. He didn't fly to the mountain. He was never the bird that flown across the sea and soared high in the clouds. He was never the wind, the sun or even the moon.

But for a moment before, he was everything. He was free. He was everywhere. And that was beautiful!

Feeding My InsanityCome inside, join me
Feed my insanity
Hold my hand, look at me
I¡¦m your reality
Watching the days that never ends
Playing god in the small silent world
Working out the curves and the bends
Falling deeper, twisting further, swirls
Feel the joy, laugh with me
We are hungry
Heed the words, let them be
Now can you see?
Living inside a cruel box
Tasting life that never reached
Faking death to make it stop
No more time to burn the brigde

bebeling away!

2005-10-01T21:26:00.000+08:00

i'm out of words to write. juz bcoz nothin new is happening in ma life. not much to share anyway.
sometimes too much of a good thing is bad for me. come to think of it, too much of a bad thing is also, well ofkoss is always bad for anybody. apa yg aku membebel ni siak.

today i listened to Battle of Los Angeles album by Rage Against The Machine twice. and really listened. and realized why this band is so brilliant. this is their 2nd last studio album before they disband. well to be exact, their frontman zack got out. i think released 3 years back, even forgot when i bought em. nevemind.

actually i'm killing time right now. bebeling away. got apt at 10pm. dont wanna go home 1st coz i wud b malas to get out again. so here i am, nothing important to point out. its 9.20pm now. so got about 20minutes to kill away!

Jodi o Jodi

2005-09-23T22:05:00.000+08:00

Juz watch Flightplan. Reason : Jodie Foster. Comments : better watch it on vcd..mengantuk sikit, dah lah sejuk. Cerita yang boleh diagak jalan ceritanya. antiklimak pun ada. Ratings : 2 asteroid 3 bulan.

words

2005-09-23T20:47:00.000+08:00

responsibilty ~ adakah datang dari the ability to response, the will to act, the power to submit, the discipline to pursue?
bahasa melayunya "tanggungjawab" kan? ~ org yg kena jawab - jawab = penyelesaian, tanggung = sara , tentunya bukan saraselesai tetapi lebih kepada selenggara, seperti penyelengara yang mengendalikan sesuatu maka dia bertanggungjawab atas tugas itu. kalau tak tentu sengsara kerana tak dapat menjawab kenapa tugas tak selesai. maka dia yang tanggung akibatnya. gara-gara tak menyelenggarakan dengan betul tugas itu. habis tunggang langgang dia menanggung tanggungjawab itu.

shout

2005-09-20T02:15:00.000+08:00

it's been more than a week.. unconnected to my other world or into some other people world, into their words, wisdom, joy or the whatever. i'm so tied up. but i guess thats not important now. enough of the busyness of the moment. is there a word like busyness? argh...forget about it.

i think i'm gonna bebel it all out. dont care if anybody care. so what's does it gonna be? no idea.

u know sometimes i think we're all just puppets and dolls. taking for granted everything that been fed. never pause to ask why. we agree with the majority coz the majority will win and it hurts to be a loser. minority is not a good place to be. afraid to be called silly. angguk2 geleng2 ikut rentak macam burung kakak tua nyanyuk yang hanya nak kraker. kalau yang di ikut betul takpe. kalau betul pun ngape tak tanya? supaya lebih faham. to appreciate more.

why do people send their children to schools? becoz everybody is doing it. becoz its the law. cant education be better than school only?.or does school is really enough? then hoping their children to the uni. clever little boy, anak bapak, high edu, high salary, good life. Education is a business itself. promising a better life. man create a system and push people to agree. i tell u school is a must, edu is, but not enough. stop here.

i'm bebeling as it goes, so forgive me if it doesnt make sense to you, who ever you are.

as far as religion is, how many of us could say that they really know why they are devoters to their religion? I was born a muslim. I should be thankful. I am. But sometimes, I think people who aren't born a muslim and converted to be one, is better in terms of discovering and embracing the teachings. better than me, speaking for myself. I mean just think, these people questioned their meaning of life, searching, seeking the truth, understanding the messages of God and later find peace in themselves and in their lives. while me, taken for granted everything, taking from textbooks, learning from so called wise man and yes they are wise but afraid or never ask why? why? fear. i imagine myself and ask myself, what if i was born to a different type of religion or belief family? i think u should ask urself this question too. will we find the truth? the truth is the truth but where does it comes from? i now realized that i got to find the meaning of 'naik saksi'. what does it means. u get me? go to the roots of the matter. to get down to the nitty gritty. until then will i rest at peace with myself. finding myself is the key. and thats what it means by life education. stop here.

korang ngk tak malaysian idol? sucks! and i blame it all at the judges. i mean they choose these bunch before the sms voting. so it leave us ( or the voters, i am never an sms voter) not much choice. the 12 finalist got talent but not that so good to be an idol u see. I've seen the auditions and i think there are better ones than these dozen. but the lame judges pick out these 12. argh..kcuf mi2! forget it!

i come to think that reality shows are getting too real. to the point of faking. after the first season everybody know how's the game is played and nobody seems to genuine anymore. u can see it on the apprentice, af, idol, swan, every other reality show. so what is reality? reality is about being fake to get in front. u can vote urself cant u? ur father is the tokey kayu balak, why not? just like politic i think, where u can buy votes too. now everybody starts to get into the band wagon. reality all the way. britney does it, paris does it, branson does it. when will it stop? i only can say that bersamamu is totally the show that shows reality. and what about the other show mencari cinta? big time lame as a kambeng face in the rain. why not put a show mencari tuhan? or mencari ayah pin : where are hiding man?

But come to think of it, like the saying, life is a stage. from shakespeare i think. then we are all actors. we act daily all the time. what about pro wrestling? i think they are all great actors. yet people believed that they really fighting. there's good guys and bad guys. I was once that people. Now no more. Exposure, maturity and common sense changed me. but then, its ok to love em. i mean why not? just treat em like a live performance. a play like in threatre. plain entertainment. just like the movies. never real just acting. pure entertainment to the amused. why not? right?

Fry Day

2005-09-02T05:15:00.000+08:00

Semalam aku lepak kat Singgah Selalu ngan 2 skool buddies. Bising la kat branch Danga Bay. Nyesal plak gi sini. Busan giler aku tak gerak2 dari umah sejak 2,3 hari ni.Projek takleh jalan selagi fund tak masuk. Beladineraka btul! Nasib baik ingat pesan atuk..sabar, sabar, sabar, sabar!

Tapi bising pon takpe la. Member aku ni ajak lepak pasal bini dia ke sarawak kursus, so boring la tue. Tapi tiba, order makan, pastu bergayut kan telpon ngan bini lak. Pastu sms. Ler baik takyah lepak. Tapi takpe kan, bini die bukan bini aku. Tetiba fren aku sms fr kl. Aku lak berbalas sms. Budak tu anto sms lawak la konon. "At the age of 33, he quits smoking (will power) at 43, he quits drinking (will power), at 53, he quit gambling (will power), at 63, he quits SEX (Power failure)". huhahahahaha...tapi aku balas sms die "At 73, he discovers Tongkat Ali (POWER!!). She replied, "hahaha..at 83, he 's caught jiggying wit power puff grannies". Aku replied back, "No la, he died 2 days afterward from heart attack n kena simbah cuka getah!". Aku menang!! hehe...

Then, as I typin sms, dapat call, "khairi, we r u? need 2 c u...". bla..bla..bla...ok la meet u 12pm. at Tmn Pelangi. But 12.45am aku sampai kat Larkin Perdana. Dah 2 bulan aku tak jumpa mamat ni. 2 bulan aku menjauh. Aku elak jumpa. Sms aku jarang jawab. Why? aku nak fokus kat projek aku. But today tah, aku rasa aku kena jumpa.

"I dah lama nak jumpa u. Lama tak bual. U ada masalah ke?"..bla l..bla..la...."O..patut la lama tak jumpa"...
"Sebenarnya aku dah dpt position in A co..with my ol fren Datuk W, if everythin goes well, i'll be his share partner, director to handle some big projects in Kedah n JB...dats y i want to see u..."

dalam hati, "aku? nak apa?aku takde xperience in constructions ma...".

" i will need some ppl to join me, somebody i trust n can learn n wants to be part of the team..."

dlm hati, "Ok jugak, tp projek aku kena jalan, projek aku, co aku, baru nak start , ...kalau offer bagus ok la...", sambil kepala angguk2. conversation continues till 4am...n off to this cc...

Whatever je la, aku tak harap sgt2, sebab aku dah berhenti mengharap kat projek org, bukan putus asa, tapi bila terlalu mengharap janji2 org, kekadang2 risiko je kecewa...juga sesangat....jadi aku ngk je la rezki, aku ckp kat die thanks la ingat member..kalau jadi call me la. Tapi aku sebenarnya dah taknak makan gaji. Tetapi kalau keje die bagi ade freedom, excitement, significant n bayo bagus mungkin aku amik. Nengok la...Klau sebulan dapat RM3 ribu above atau ade extra comm..maybe aku amik. Bukan demand, tapi aku rasa value aku sebenarnye lebih tinggi dari tu. Nengoklah...

Skrg dah pukul 6.30am, aku kena balik aku rasa..sebab pukul 9.30am kena kuar gi kota tinggi. amik brg2 aku yg masih berbaki kat umah lama. Penting tu, mag2 gitar2 aku n sijil2 aku termasuk surat beranak aku, sebab esok aku nak buat mykad n nak tukar no baru sebab dulu no ic aku salah buat, tarikh lahir aku lebih setahun. Bila esok buat aku akan jadi setahun muda...hehehe...

O ya, bestnye ahad ni aku dpt geng jammin baru...tapi tak kenal lagi..but ofkoss kena main lagu2 lama la. Aku minta kawan aku pilh drummer solid sikit. Member aku lak request lagu Hoobastank, the reason...malas lak nak carik. tapi lagu tu aku rasa kacang. esok la ak cari.

Ishh, ngantuk siak...aku chow dulu la...

MOSHERATTUS FLING*FLONG ~
How can I cheat death when life play tricks on me?
How can I play dead when pain is all I see?
How can I laugh when my life is a joke?
How can I cry when I know it's a lie?
***************************************
Bagaimana aku mahu mengelak kebinasaan sedangkan hidup penuh permainan?
Bagaimana aku mahu berdiam diri sedangkan kesengsaraan di sana sini?
Bagaimana aku mahu ketawa sedangkan hidupku satu jenaka?
Bagaimana aku mahu mengalir airmata sedangkan aku tahu itu semua dusta?

mosH - Ooooooiiiii...........

BUKAN POYO!!

2005-08-27T03:44:00.000+08:00

Dah dekat semingu aku tak blog. Well aku sakit n buat2 sibuk. U know what they say " if u ain' bz then u r not important!". So bagi mereka2 yg tak bz, buat2 la bz even to the point of bzbody. Okeh aku ade byk nak tulis, but at this moment perut sgt lapar. Oleh kerana aku tak mengizinkan bontotku bangun dari kusi ini maka aku akan berposa sehingga pukul 5 pagi ni di mana aku akan go straight to restoran 25 jam kat larkin for breakfast of roti prata(without kas-kas).

Aku byk tulis2 bubbles2ku (some might say poems or sajak, i prefer to name em bubbles, bubbles of my mind) di kertas2 nota ku yg sentiasa aku bawa ke sana ke sini. Takut2 kebosanan melanda, maka pen n kertas jadi member setiaku. Kalau sempat aku akan blog ari ni. This past week aku tk boleh tdo selagi tak sampai pukul 5 atau 6 pagi. Dont know why. Well ade astro EPL menolong but boredom cepat menyelinap lebih2 lagi pasukan aku Newcastle Utd main macam thaikkurcingg! Tadi aku amik amp, guitar n some music books aku dari umah member aku, so kalau aku takleh tdo atleast aku boleh practise my chops or write some songs.

Well, aku nak blog pasal album2 yg aku miliki, so maybe can share with u my tots on my music collections. Well aku start ngan album Adflin 'The slumberkodok dude" Shauki, Fuuyo! and n album from Al Di Meola "Elegant Gypsy". Aku rasa korang pon dah tau pasal PROJECT ADFLIN SHAUKI DAH HILANG AKAL .Aku pon ader oder, dan aku dapat kelmarin. Bad newsnye aku dapat kaset instead of CD. So aku dah email sekali lagi utk dapat CD lak, hopely dia anto.

FUUYO! REVIEW

well aku tak penah dengo adflin nyanyi serius sebelum ni. Album ni aku tau dah lama kuar, tapi aku tak jumpa di pasaran. Aku rasa dia lack promosi. Jadi pasal Adflin ni karektornya lucu, maybe aku ingat dulu la , album ni mesti album lawak..mcm album Salih Yacob n etc. Tu lah masalahnye bile org kelakor, risikonye people susah nak terima serius things. But after dengo album ni, I cud say dat its a good album n deserved to be in my prized music collections. Just look at the cover n inlay, gud quality. And even mastered in AUSTRALIA 301 studio. The 1st n 2nd track jumps staights to my ears on 1st listening. The music reminds me of Jamirouqai meets Macy Gray, funky n acidic jazz. Playing onwards, you will hear more jazzy stuff lounge kinda groove towards the end of the album. There's also pop ballads like Glenn kinda song. And in side two, I suddenly hear a familliar sound which turn out to be a song i heard before in the radio. And didnt know then that it was the slambakodok dude on vocals...hmm. Well all in all, get this album coz its not POYO but FUUYO! and you wont regret it!

ELEGANT GYPSY REVIEW

Saper Al Di Meola ? Well, he is a very very fast jazz guitar player. Dunno if he is still alive (i think he is). Macamana aku bole beli CD ni? semuanya pengaruh abang aku. Bile dia takde aku akan menyelongkar kaset2 collection dier masa aku kecik2. Antaranya ofkoss kaset Al. Aku decide beli CD ni bile aku teringat satu hari akan kesedapan (slurp!) album ni. It was years back n i bought it at TOWER bkt bintang plaza. Klau korang nak carik, ngk kat section jazz n classical. Album ini dirakam sebelum ku lahir, senang citer era 70an but the music so fresh. Try dengo Running With The Devil On Spanish Highway n all the tracks with your room lit with candles only n berbaring relax, tersangat la besh! Sampai sekarang aku rasa aku tak boleh main gitar seterer Al...iskhishkiskh...

Bergolek2 Dengan Gincu

2005-08-20T03:02:00.000+08:00

Last week aku ngk Gol & Gincu kat wayang. Benda yg jarang2 aku buat. Ngk citer melayu. Well mula2 masa nak masuk aku segan lak nak beli tiket,pasal seme beli in group or couple,aku sorang2. Citer yg ader Stealth, Bewitched, Citer Hindustan, Ungu Violet & citer ciner & ofkos Gol & Gincu. So tolak citer industan (yg gerenti aku takan ngk walaupun free) & citer cine tuh(lain la ade Stephen Chow) tinggal lagi 4. Stealth, aku takde mood nak ngk citer action. Anyway member aku dah beli vcd dier(pinjamlagi bagus). Bewitched, walaupon aku suke sama Nicole tapi aku rasa watak ini bukan utk dia,she shud act in better film not a remake of this one. Maybe i will ngk vcd dier. So tinggal G&G n Ungu Violet. Mesia vs Indon. At least in my head anyway. Pikir punye pikir,what the neraka! Lets watch G&G!

So pay RM9 at counter and masuk time dah gelap (so no farkin people c me,not dat i'm malu watching malay film,NO! juz dat dont wanna ppl thinking, sapalah mamat ni dtg sorang? eh,WTF! nape aku pikir gini ek, aku nak ngk sorang2 sukati gorilla aku la! betui! betui! so next time aku masuk terang2...)

One thing aku notice film ni, gambo die terang n sharp,tak taulah pasal cinema ni ke atau proses film tuh. So gud, gud, i said to maself. Coz sometimes gambo ade itu apa org panggil mcm rambut kat screen dier. Tak besh lah kan? Cuba ko order mee goreng atau apa2 la and discover ada rambut kat mee ko tu. Bayangkan apa perasaan ko? N rambut tuh ko pasti bukan rambut atau bulu hidung ko atau pun misai udang kat mee tuh...tentu tak selera ek? Mcm gitulah aku...tak suka ade rerambut skrin tuh. Aku pentingkan kualiti (cheh! mcm bagus lak) Sebab tuh aku memilih hanya DVD9 ataupon VCD citakrum yg terbaik kopinyer aje..hehe.

Wah dah kejauh sampai ke mee lak aku. OK back to G&G review...

Cinematography nye bagus. Skrip sederhana tapi fresh. Fazura ok, Shasha bagus, scene playing futsal sucks! tak menyakinkan,but cukup utk deliver skrip. Extras dat deserves a pat on the back (or backside,whatver!) , the one playin J (juita) & the fat one. All other cast was good. Khatijah Tan watak yg sama kebelakangan ni, so takde new challenge for her.

Watak fazura (putri) mengingatkan aku watak spt Heather Graham (aku lupe la title movie tuh) and Lindsay Lohan (mean girls,teenage drama queen). Kire ok la, she dapat menjiwai watak tuh, but the watak is actually quite ez. Shasha is the better watak. (eh,watak dlm ingeliss apa? lupe lak...juz on the tip of my sweet tongue)

Secara keseluruhan film ni tak merugikan duit aku la ngk. Puasati la kireye. Korang yg belum ngk g lah ngk. Film ini aku gredkan atau masukkan dlm kategori remaja ringan.Kat US tiap tahun berlambak kuar jenis film camni. But apalah Malaywood (eh kalau translate jadi melayu kayu lak,tak besh!) ngan Hollywood kan? But kalau korang nak ngk film melayu remaja (mcm aku,remaja..hehe) yg bercirikan Malaysia, THIS IS THE FILM TO WATCH THIS YEAR!

And aku rasa aku akan go watch Bernard nye film akan dtg kalau ada...

WAYANG SIAPA KALAU BUKAN WAYANG KITA (yeyekelapalautakuni)

Writings

2005-08-13T07:55:00.000+08:00

8/17/73 Enter Date of Birth 31 Age
(american date system) Friday Day you were born
11,684 Days lived
383 Months lived
31 years, 11 months, 27 days Exact age as at 13/08/05
280422:17:30 Time alive (Press & Hold F9 button)
280,422 Hours lived
16825337 Minutes lived
1009520250 Seconds lived

93,474 Approx hours slept
3,895 Days sleeping
33% % of life asleep
10.7 Years asleep

1,211,424,300 Approx number of heart beats

Leo Zodiac Sign
Ox Chinese Star Sign

Sean Penn, Jim Courier, Robert DeNiro Share Birthday with

40 Desired Retirement Age 8 Years to Retirement
8/16/13 Retirement Date 2925 Days to Retirement
2,089 Approx number of workdays

Enter Marriage Date Not Married Years Married
Years to 50th Golden Anniversary
Years to 25th Silver Anniversary

nombor2 dalam hidup aku. banyak gak ek? Tapi nombor tetap nombor, tiada jiwanya tersendiri. Kekal sebagai objek ukuran hidup. Mati pon mungkin gak ada nombor. Berapa kali kena hantam dgn ulor beso, seksa dan sebagainya. Ade agaknye. Gua ni membebel lak pagi ni. Tak tidor dari kul 7pm semalam sampai sekarang, so dah brapa jam dah? Ah malas nak kira la...kan dah ckp tadi nombor tetap nombor je, tiada jiwa. Sakit jiwa lak.

Masa (nombor gak) terasa mcm slow gile baban bile aku dlm keadaan menunggu sejak due menjak ni. Tapi bila nak cepat, tengah kejar sesuatu, alahai...tak cukup kaki nak kejar masa. Masa o masa...

Right now, headphoneku berbunyi lagu Epic from Faith No More. Lama tak dengo lagu ni. Korang ingat lagi tak FNM? Sebelum Rage Against The Machine, Korn, Lim Biskut dan memacam lagi nu metal or so called rap metal ade, doranglah yg mencampuradukkan ckit 2 jenis (atau lebih) genre musik nih. Kalau tak pernah dengor belilah album yg ciplak pon takpe.

Nothin new to write la. Company aku still merangkak, maklumlah baru seminggu jalan. Fund pon tarak masuk. Tu yang rasa slow je masa nak tunggu duit mashok.

Everyday we are writing our book of Destiny. We are riding the sail of life Possibilities. It's a bumpy journey. Sometimes with Unexpected situations and Sudden suprises. Everyday is a different Page. The ink dried fast for the page After. A new Chapter will be written and some things will be left and Forgotten. There's no Clue what would happen in the Next episode, the next Drama or The next Trauma. When the Day is over and the Shadows are Gone away, and the Body lay, the Mind runs a replay and Plot the new Play the next day.Writing on the Virtual papers of destiny Away...

Reborn

2005-07-04T20:11:00.000+08:00

I'm getting lazy to write. Lots of my thoughts gone to my personal goal this year. It's already July and I didn't got even close to my targets. It's all or never. So my dear fellow bloggers and also all my blogs, its going to be sometime until I'll blog as usual.

The best thing about getting busy again is getting out of my comfort zone and doing something more concrete. June saw me getting in touch with old friends from school days. Once you found one, then like a chain reaction, you'll get to meet others. It's so great!!'And by that I'm getting more opportunities. Ways to reach my goals. It's certainly not the time to give up. I'm gonna get reborn. A revolution inside. Most of my old friends are into owning business which is amazing. One owns a fuel station, one supplies medical equipments, some stays in their professional careers and thinking about shifting to starting own business. It's funny when to think that we once run around the classes, quiting classes and playing around stupidly, and now become like serious. Hahaha..but not old.

Ok blog i,m off to work..

sTILL*bored

2005-05-24T20:08:00.000+08:00

Bile tokleh tido, apakah yang patut anda buat?
a) Buat bodo (kecuali jika anda memang bodoh, ni tak apllicable)
b) Kacau org lain yg sedang tido
c) Dengor SOAD

Apakah yang anda perlu buat apabila seorang pompuan cantik yang anda tak kenali asyik memandang ke arah anda?

1) Periksa zip seluar, tutup tak?
2) Perhatikan betul2 mata awek tu, juling tak?
3) Pastikan tiada bendasing2 yang tak sepatutnya bergantung di lubang hidung anda
4) Pandang ke belakang anda, pastikan tiada Brad Pitt atau mamat yg lebih ensem
5) Jika pada waktu malam yang sunyi, pastikan kaki nya jejak tanah
6) Pastikan jugak anda tak berada di kawasan bapok2 berkeliaran
7) Alah..senyum je lah, senyumkan sedekah.

bosannyeeeeee

Arhh! Bowing!

2005-05-21T20:03:00.000+08:00

Aku tak takut air, aku hanya takut lemas
Aku tak takut tinggi, aku hanya takut terjatuh
Aku tak takut laju-laju, aku takut terbabas
Aku tak takut jadi penakut, aku cuma tak nak kalut
************************************

Kenapalah mamat tuh kelam kabut motobot,
kalau dah tau kerja, prepare lah awal2,
Nota kena tulis supaya tak lupa
Arrangement mesti tip top!
Kalau tak de self discipline mana2 pegi pon sama.
Time is money tau!
Sometimes sleep is money too!
Kadang2 aku ambil jalan mudah, tutop mulot, diam!
Kalau bercakap nanti cakap aku lebih pandai
Atau macam aku pandai sangat.
Kalau aku diam tuh, maknanya¡K.
whatever ko suka la laboo, lantak la..as long as u happy
**bebelan diatas takde kena mengena perotku yg lapor
dan terlebih tido semalam**

Ley Zee

2005-05-16T20:00:00.000+08:00

Juz got back from KL yesterday. Dunno, too lazy to blog today.
Many things on my mind. If only I can lay em one by one.
And empty some space in the head for a while.
And bring only the things needed today.
That would be just great. For today anyway.
But i gez, i cant. And those things need to be done fast.
Before they mount and multiplied into a mind tsunami.
Nothing much in KL, day 1 meet new people -
Bahrin - a teacher, Hafiz -HR in Maybank.
Day 2 - Zamri - A medical marketer, Salleh - Goverment servant
Day 3, En. Suboh, En, Usop, Cik Wan & her friend plus this 18 yr old kid
all from Tawau, Lahad Datu respectively.
Got into the wrong route bus to JB.
And lastly, an old Aci yang sesat di JB, pity her but at last she got home with my help.
And looking back, i gez everything happens for a good reason afterall.
Chow!

Life in Mono

2005-05-05T19:58:00.000+08:00

Today, i rest my mind from the big things in life.
At least what i think is big in my life.
I miss the small things that i used to do.
The small things that are great in personal satisfaction.
I¡¦m taking some time off today to do some of those things.
*********************************************
Kadang-kadang manusia yang bernama kawan ni meminta lebih
daripada apa yang dia patut terima. Dalam ketaksedaran itu, mereka
terlupa akan tanggungjawab timbal balik yang mereka patut beri.
Dan pihak yang satu lagi yang bernama kawan juga akan terpaksa
memberi ruang-ruang tolak ansur dan memenuhkan pula ruangan
sabar pada diri mereka. Tetapi kesabaran ada hadnya, dan kesabaran
itu sendiri perlu bernafas sebelum tenggelam semula ke dasar tolakansur.
*************************************************
Kenapa orang suka nengok rancangan realiti?

Aku rasa..
1) Manusia sememangnya kepoh dan ingin tahu hal orang lain.
2) Escapism
3) Berkongsi kejayaan orang lain

Kenapa orang produce rancangan realiti tv?
1) Buat duit
2) Buat duit
3) Buat duit banyak lagi

Idea2 realiti show aku..
1) Aksi2 dan muka2 artis malaysia dan dunia tengah meneran dalam
tandas dan korek idung.
Bayangkan muka CT atau Kak Pah, atau JLo, atau Maya Karin.
Menarik bukan?
2) King of Sausages Eater.
Bayangkan pertandingan makan sosej oleh kakitangan Jakim untuk
mencari Juara makan sosej kebangsaan.

Pro Mrs.

2005-04-29T19:53:00.000+08:00

They say too much of a good thing would kill you. Hmm..maybe it's true.
What about too much of a bad thing? Would it give life?
The question is, what kind of life?

*************************************************
Corporate collar tags that pulls you here and there.
Buys your pain and fries your brain.
I'm tired of the game. Now i'm playing on the other end.

**************************************************
These few days sucked the life of me.
Chasing time and no space for breathing.
It's the promise I've made to myself and the people who trust.
I cant back out now, it's too early.
I need energy, I need protein. I need Carb. I need water.
I need emo shelter.
"Nothing is too small to know and nothing is too big to attempt"¨- William Van Horne.

Da N

2005-04-23T19:50:00.000+08:00

The end is near. It's been said over and over. Heard it like a gazillion times.
Like a busted amp, buzzing endlessly from the mouths of the know-it-all.
The cycle never breaks. It's spinning and spinning as I type this entry.
As the saying, "Ending is a new beginning". A beginning to whatever.
Whence? and whither? Questions that needs constant learning.
Sometimes I asked myself, "Am I living a dream? or am I living my dream?"
I choose to live it, after some thinking. I believe in the power of a dream.
I choose to be a dreamer than stuck in the rat race for nothing.
Am I happy? Well, sometimes I'm sad. And that's the beauty of it all.
You need to feel the bad times to appreciates the good times.
*************************************************************

All I want is a piece of peace..

give and take..

for the sake of all human beings..

forever..

"I think, therefore I exist" - forgot who said this, but somebody famous and died many many years ago I'm sure.

Marnee

2005-04-18T19:48:00.000+08:00

Man made money. Create the system. Safeguard the value.
And suddenly, it becomes religion to most people.
Slave to their own invention. Money becomes God.
People work their ass to the grave for money.
It should be the other way around. It's a constant battle for me.
I'm in war for myself. The system should work for me.
People in the past worshipped tombs and religious objects.
People now worships their new God, TV, PC,cars, football, etc.
Getting suck in is very easy, getting out is a struggle.
**************************************************

"People who works for money and gets paid for money alone is always underpaid.
Money is necessary, but the big prize in life cannot be measure by dollars and cents"

Diss 'A Point

2005-04-14T19:44:00.000+08:00

I see life as a digital wallpaper
Moving pictures with no end credits.
Someday I'll torn these walls and get to the other side
or any other sides there is
But "someday" is a sad word
Just like "if only" and "how i wish"
******************************************
Ideas are just ideas without action¨
If you don't like critics, do nothing, be nothing!

Rekuperit

2005-04-08T19:39:00.000+08:00

Sickness is not a friend to those who not know why.
A drug is an angel in time of need.
Taste dissapears.
Recuperating.
****************************************

I don't blame people who can't see my reality.
I don't hate them for their lack of interest and knowledge.
I understand that we are not living in the same reality.
Our dimensional size of thought and vision are different.
But we can live in the same world, breathe the same air.
Share a spot and a common space to eat and breed.
We need not to challenge each other for supremacy.
We can learn to live together.
Feed on each other.

lock n' loll

2005-04-05T19:38:00.000+08:00

Sometimes night or day seems the same to me
It only tells that the earth has complete a spin, circle or whatever
It only tells me that times moved and moving further

Night doesn't mean sleep to me
Day doesn't mean awake to me
Coz' I can sleep all day if I want to
And be up all night if I like to

Falling

2005-04-04T19:36:00.000+08:00

The hardest thing about going up and staying on top is falling down
The painful thing about falling down is getting up and about again
The difficult thing about getting up is doing it all over again
The tiring thing about doing it again is facing the obstacles again and again

But the most important thing about falling down is learning to be humble
Teaches pain equals gain, failure is temporary defeat and the past does not equals the future
The priceless experience of going through the challenges and the birth of new hope
Teaches dreams are what makes me human, makes me worth more than just flesh and bones

I'll be like water from top of hills and mountains
I'll flow and flow, never give in and give out
Around the roots and rocks, below and above the soils,
All the way to where I want to be, Where I should be
On the feet of the hills and mountains, on the head of the river and streams
Flowing and flowing into the Sea Of Hope and Dreams

Missing Link

2005-03-08T15:54:00.000+08:00

something is missing here. Or some dissipating values.
when i closed my eyes, i've lost one sense.
just can't explained this feeling.
in the darkness, one can hear one's heartbeat louder.
knowing u;re alive enough to feel the pain.
life sucks sometimes

Ass'em ass

2005-03-02T15:50:00.000+08:00

Got an sms. Reads, ¨ Rindulah kat u all¨
It's 1.28am. Reply at 3.34a.m, Kuarlah dari sarang, Sadam pun dah kuar¨
Sometimes I really don't understand people. They say they miss you but they never reply back.
Sometimes it's not really the distance. Sometimes it's the things that they can't tell you. I try to them understand here.
The block in the roads of life.
Just wait then.
Posted in life sucks!

Distress Mode

2005-02-04T15:43:00.000+08:00

My sleeping pattern changes. And so does my moods. Mood swings? tah!,it's been two weeks, consuming less food, sleeps late, very late,after watching Indon channel (that's the only channel screening)hit the sack around 6.30am,pengsan,waking up blurred,like dead tv,fuzzy,dizzy,whats wrong with me??

Nevertheless, my pen moves.. and moving..

Penawar Kalbu 5.05am 4/2/05

Akukah ini yang semakin hilang
dalam igauan halunisasi silam
mendambakan harapan janji-janji palsu
idaman hampa, kosong dan sia
Mencari sinar pelukan hangat
dari sisa-sisa mimpi semalam
Kini berteduh di tenda duka
Menanti saat menjelang datang
bahtera makna melayarkanku pergi
ke wilayah asing tetapi damai
Setenang bayu berhembus segar
ku pasrah, ku terima, ku syukuri
ku kenali sanubariku sendiri
Yang hilang bukan aku lagi
Yang jelang datang menganti
menyerap ke jiwa, menusuk ke hati
mengisi ruang kalbu yang gering
penawar lara, pengubat duka dan luka
Engkau yang satu, Engkau yang suci

Ada Lagi Aku 5.45am

Kotak fikir sempit dan menyesakkan
Lemas, cemas, peluh mengalir
Penat, lelah, getir dan bisa
Berhenti bukan perintah mudah
Kawalan kabur, pening dan pusing
Berputar, berputar, tiada imbangan
Udara semakin nipis, harapan tipis
Yang tebal hanya sakit dan perit
Sesak, tegang mencari pegangan
Mana pergi waras dan logika?
Gelap, keliru dan menakutkan
Mencari, mengumpul saki tenaga
untuk terus dalam sedar akal
Masaku belum tiba lagi
Banyak kerja belum selesai
Misi gagal bukan pilihan
Ada lagi masa, kata hati
Ada lagi!, jerit otak
Ada lagi!, sahut jiwa
Aku percaya
Aku percaya

Time the best healer, or is it?

2005-01-31T19:18:00.000+08:00

Today is 31st January 2005. Sekejap je masa bergerak. Pelik. There are two possibilities to why time feels like flies at supersonic speed, at least for me. One, the earth is spinning faster and faster. And so is the galaxy system. Duh! sounds stupid! But then again, I'm not a scientist and it's just a possibility. Second, I'm pursuing something or actually a lot of things that i feel there's always not enough time. Catching up with deadlines and targets. Too busy and as always feel like time is not on my side. Then come the question of death. It occurs to me one day that I'm actually dying away each second of every minute of everyday of my life. Tick tick tick tock..getting near to the end. I concluded that living is actually dying. Or to be exact, the process of dying. A micro rigor mortis of life. The big question is, am I ready to die? A question, quickly ignored by my concious mind. If a picture of darkness, tight space, loneliness and punishments clouds the mind about death then that thought will surely kill instantly. Then lies the answer that i'm afraid of death.
But then, if a picture of serenity, peace, calm and joy that describes death or the next world, automactically death is not to be afraid of. My favorite option is forget about it, do what i can do, ready or not, the day will come. I rest my future destiny of the other side in God¡¦s hand. Yup, God the Almighty, He knows everything. God gave everybody young and old, rich or poor, the same amount of time, 24hrs a day. People say time heals, right now I'm not sure coz sometimes time kills.

Dead Poet Society

2005-01-27T19:16:00.000+08:00

Takde masa blog banyak2 keje banyak semalam tokleh tido pen bergerak2, membebel jadilah kat bawah..

Tenggelam 26.01.05 5.37am
Aku terbang ke bintang jauh
Aku bisik ¡¥tuk menumpang sinar
Walau sekejap tapiku rela
Dari dekat menanggung seksa
Aku tegur bulan mengambang
Bicara sejenak tentang dunia
Tiada indah katanya di mata
Jika jiwa tak sampai pun jua
Aku tahan angin di awan
Berlalu tanpa ku dihirau dia
Tidak kelihatan tapi ku rasa
Hendak ku sapa hilang suara
Lalu ku genggam tanah di tangan
Baru ku sedar ke atas angan
Aku jejaki dataran nan sepi
Menyusuri alam tiada bertepi
mencari erti sebuah mimpi

rear view

2005-01-25T19:11:00.000+08:00

Book :
I finished reading Losing My Virginity : Autobiography of Richard Branson, cool book, very thick and i just cant get enough. From Richard early age, school, lovelife to being the man who setting records and having his own mega business, the Virgin Group of companies including Virgin Atlantic, the commercial air service. Lots of humor and i love the way he form and build Virgin Records plus stories about his artistes, Mike Oldfield, The Sex Pistols, Phil Collins, Boy George, etc. I very much recommend this book to anyone who loves music, passion to achieve his/her dream and love life!
Price : Free, my fren from australia gave me as they are off back to down under. they did a garage sale and i bought 2 novels for rm10, very cheap. nobody wanna buy this book, so Lynn give it to me since i help her sold some books plus she said im the one holding the book for quite some time.hahaha. actually i was about to buy it, but then she said it was mine, so¡K
VCD :
Meet The Fockers, funny, but not as funny as Kung Fu Hustle, Stephen Chow rawks! but great performance as always by Dustin Hoffman and De NiRO.
Ocean Twelve, well what can i say, it sucks! i fallen asleep at the 1st cd¡K
Price : Free again, actually kawan i bagi pinjam. I was with him at the vcd stall, when i want to buy some vcds, he would said, that one i bought already, this one also, this one also¡Kso why buy when u can borrow, right? You should have seen the face of the guy who sells the vcd, kinda pissed since i didnt bought any¡K
DVD:
The Wind Fighter, Korean true story about a korean guy who beat every Japanese martial arts fighter, Judo, Karate, Akaido, Samurai, whatever u name it, he beat them all¡Kvery entertaining, great stuff!
Price : refer to VCD price..eheh
ACD:
System Of A Down : Steal this Album!. Since my pc still wosak, all my mp3 stuck there in the hard disk. So i kinda miss SOAD. This copy includes all the song from toxicity album too, so its worth my ringgit! I also bought, Black Eye Peas : Elephunk, well same reason ere¡K
Price : RM7 per cd, well pirate copy is always handy and economic¡K

Days of Thunder

2005-01-25T19:10:00.000+08:00

2005, why? 2004, goodbye, 2003, forgotten¡K,2002, dont wanna remember, 2001,lost..,2000 millineum bugs that bugs!sucks!
forgive my mumbling..aku tension these few days...everything seems not ok..tunggulah tonite maybe aku dapat new energy meeting new people...maybe...

I need water!!

2005-01-22T19:07:00.000+08:00

kcuf! kcuf! this damned pc! i¡¦ve been writing for 15minutes then suddenly its gone! the beladi post is gone! damn!

2005-01-12T17:28:00.000+08:00

Drive

I love driving. Driving in a certain comfortable and good condition gives me pleasure. Joy. It gives me a certain feel of freedom and superiority. Superiority over time and distance. Sometimes it feels like flying. With the wind in my ace and hair. With the sound of radio friendly tunes coming off from the stereo. Alone in control in the driver's seat. Right hand on the steering and the left on the gear shift. With the Rayban on the face. Singing and sometimes lip-synching to the songs blasted from the radio. I'm in control. I'm free for the moment. A comfortable and good condition means that the car is in well condition. The road is not conjested. Traffic is moving smoothly. The wheather is good ( I don't like driving in the rain). Most important is that i'm not in a hurry or late to somewhere or for something.

I hate bad roads. Potholes, uneven tar, poor signages and lines, bad roadlights or worse no roadlights or light reflectors. I hate disfunctional trafic lights. I hate bad drivers. Those that drives with their butss on their heads and brains (if they got any) on their buns. Drivers with no sense of safety or politeness to fellow roadmembers. Who wants to show off or prove something on the roads and at the same time endagering others. The only thing they proved is their stupidity and the lack of brain power. They are dangerous and reckless. I hate bikers that have their bike's tail light off. Either the light bulb blows or they deliberately turn it off. It's hard to see them in the night, especially when the the highway is poorly lit. And they worn dark clothings and no light reflector stickers on their helmets.

I do not understand their negligence for their safety. A speeding truck, lorry or bus or even a car could easily hit them. Their life is like a timebomb. More like a booby trap or a landmine waiting for someone to step on. Or seamines waiting for a ship or a vessel to hit it. And when it did, BOOM!! A tragedy. They and the hitters becomes just another statistic numbers and digits.

I do not want o add to the figures and statistics. I don't want to be eaten by steel collisions. I just wanna fly safely in my car, humming my favorite songs and arrive at my selected destinations.

Babbles N Bubbles of The World....

2004-12-09T16:35:00.000+08:00

Babbles N Bubbles Of The World

Yesterday was excellent! Met new friends and strengthened old ones. Finishing the day, going home a little bit early. Took a bath and reads the Straits Times. Once a week I will read the papers. Although I don't like to read the papers because I think they are full of fabricated stories and unhealthy for my mind. But nevertheless I have to read it just to get around peoples, especially new people that I will meet throughout my career. It helps me to start off a conversation or simply to get closer to them.

I will try to read everything, front to back. From politics, current issues, local or international, sports, arts and believe me, the classified ads. But I usually skipped financial news, shares and stuffs. Don't know why, but I little headache reading them.

There's a report on Singaporean couples that are too tired to have sex. Why does this report catch my eye? Well, it will be useful for me to jot down this statistics and surveys in my notebook as I could use this issues in my upcoming speeches. By the way, I love statistics and surveys right now. I found it interesting to use in public speaks and people like to hear stories that are related to them. It adds spice to my talks too.

Now back to the surveys. They interviewed 200 married couples and found out that 75% of them have sex once a week. Most of them said that due to their career or job demands, coming off late from work, they are too tired to have sex. Now this survey is important because it could tell us why the birth rate in Singapore is low. In 2003, the statistics shows that there were only 35,000 babies born. Meaning a birth rate of 1.25 per women. The ideal birth rate should be 2.1 per women just to enough to replace the republic population of 3.2 million people. One women interviewed said that she don't want any children and describe them as parasites which suck their host. And I thought to myself, who does not like babies?! They're cute and lovely. Crazy women! Bet she doesn't get 'it' enough, that's why she's like that! Hahaha.

I remember another statistic. It is reported that 3 females are molested each day and 1 is raped every 3 days in Singapore. Now, I don't have anything against the males of Singapore or it's citizen or the republic itself or implying anything about the safety of females in the island. I do have friends and relatives there. And I also think that if we looked to the surveys and statistics in other countries around the world, it would be just the same figure and numbers. So what does this statistics tells me then you asked?

Well, I thought, why not it is the other way around? I mean 3 men are molested each day and 1 is raped every 3 days. Hahaha. I'm kidding (Now, you're thinking I'm some sort of a pervert or what!). O.k, but seriously, I thought to myself, what the hell is this world turning into?! I mean someday, I will hopefully, have a wife (or wives, hehe) and daughters of my own, and how are their safety if this situation are not prevented or looked into seriously now. What is the future in stored for my generations? I could only pray right now and I will think some way later.

Other interesting news, a woman died of starvation. Not the usual no food starvation though. She was a health food conscious manic, she only consumes foods which contains no artificial coloring, ingredients, MSG, low fat, etc. So when she couldn't find those 'healthy' foods, the stupid women eventually found dead. I chat about this with my friend and he shared a real story of his friend who is kind of the same league with this women. He told me how this friend of him, who is afraid of having high blood pressure. This guy will not eat salty food and stuff. The good news is he didn't get high blood pressure, but the bad news is he got low blood pressure, which is kind of the same and lethal as high blood pressure. Hahaha. Another case of a hypochondriac I guessed! I think we should not be too afraid or too choosy with the food we consume although I agreed that a well balanced meals and daily exercise is good to maintain god health. And not to mention staying away from cigarettes, drugs, alcohol and keeping an active and healthy lifestyle.
I mean our body system already have its own detox system to put away bad things that comes with the food we eat. That's why there are there. Like the kidney, liver and stuff.

That's why we are equipped with them. So just enjoy food and life. And I think that an extreme mind is a sign of an unhealthy person. We should not be an extremist in health conscious. We will deprive ourselves of enjoying what life offers us and we will life with constant fear, which ultimately is a sign of mental illness.

The life average potency for males in Malaysia is 67 years old and females with 75 years old. So basically men dies early. That's kind of scary isn't it? But we men have ourselves to blame. I mean men dies early because we are more of a smoker that women. We drive more recklessly than women. We worked in high-risk jobs or involved in high-risk activities than women. There are more male drugs addicts and alcoholics than women. The list is long. So hurrah for the women! But I think women also contributed to the early death of men. Such as hearing their bitching and constant nagging. Hahaha. Not to mention bad driving ethics that gets to men nerves. Which drives us mad and getting our blood high. Too much shopping that burns the pockets of their husbands. More blood pressure! Hahaha.

Another world surveys showed that optimists lives longer that pessimists more that 60%.
Means that people who are always sad, depressed, no goals in life and of course with the not looking for anything more in life or future and kind of suicidal attitude lived a shorter life. So the more reason to become an optimist than a pessimist right?

But another unrelated report says that the life expectancy for humans is going to be around 150 years in the near future. Wow, wow, wow. I always think that I will live that long myself. Hehe. Yup, I'm an optimist. They said that due to the improvement in areas such as food preparations, medicines, technologies and health and environmental awareness now and years to come, we humans would live longer. Let's pray to that!

But I guess the best medicine or solution to preserve life and peace in the world we live in today is of course an element that is so simple yet so hard to comply and practice. This element is of course is just one part of the solution but I think is one of the most important ones. It is called the value of TOLERANCE. If all practices it, I think there won't be wars, civil wars, no racism, and everybody can live in peace and harmony. And not only that they will look out for each other. The second element would be, CO-OPERATION. This element existed in our self, in our body. Of the many, the important one is the co-operation between our sub-conscious mind and conscious mind, which ensures the function of our brain and body. And the second is existed (or should be) in the form of co-operation between human to another human. This two element can save us and the world we live in.

All in all, it's hard to change the world or even other people towards the realization of this two element. But I think it's easier to change us. If we change, then maybe the world will change. So we need not to change others, it's hard, let's change ourselves first.

We are each an atom or molecules that become this world. Let's start with you. And do take note that technologies won't save us alone. Faith, goodwill and elements mentioned above will be needed hand in hand. I hope.

Hair Day and Come what may...

2004-10-31T17:26:00.000+08:00

Recently in my ArtyFyCYal blog , I blog about myself taking few major and minor decisions but I stop further when the PC in the CC was down. Anyway I remembered about it and I feel the more appropriate to blog it in this blog as it would be a bebel item suitable for a bebelblog like this...

Ok then where did i stop at, minor decisions..

well one of the decision i took was to have a new look or a new image. No i cant afford a image consultant right now. I decided to have a long hair. Not like glam rock Bon Jovi era puntianak long style but longer la than my now conservative combed hair. Right now tengah figuring what long hair style fits me...

Back at school days, i always wanted to grow long hair but as usual the blardy restrictions in school of course failed me. And my parents would disapproved too. But at Form 5, I managed to have long hair. That time was the Bros era. Remember Bros? When will i, will i be famous...chocolate box...thats their hits. No i dont fancy their look or their songs, i just know coz my frens are into it. In that time its either you rock or you pop. The two dont mix. I'm kinda different, i listen to everything, coz i mixed with any groups of this pop or rock community.

Back then I was mixing with these metal boys listening to Slayer,Megadeth,Kreator, Metallica, GnR,etc, the alternative scene with Infectious Groove, Faith No More, Incubus, Tone Loc, Beastie Boys, the popppers listening to Belinda Carlisle, Rick Astley which by the sucks, Debbie Gibson, Breathe and lots more i cant remember right now. Most of the time i will be with the metal boys coz i like heavy stuff. I was more to Metallica and Guns n Roses and Skid Row things...

Ok back to the hair thing, I managed to kept my front hair long. But i used up a lot of gel and combed it backwards just like mafia style Andy Gracia look, shinny and firm. It was more to the skaters look or the bmxers look. Tony Hawk thingy. I mixed with this frens who are into skate n bmx around this time but I cant skate at all. And I dont have a BMX either since my mum cant afford me one.

The hair survived for only a few months when my classmate who happened to be the blardy backstabbing pengawas pulled me out of the morning assembly and sent me to the dicipline teacher. Outside the hall, my hair was cut away with f**king stupid cheap sciccors by the moronic premature ejeculation stupid look teacher who said " Rambut macam orang hutan!". Was i angry? No....hahahhaaha....i was REALLY angry! at my classmate.

I told my other classmate about this backstabber, and after that schoolife changed for him. He got the ignore treatment and the look from me and a few kind words too. I bet he learned his lesson.

Right now its been about 2 months since i didnt have a hair cut. By January it will be groom to style. The only thing about keeping long hair is that i tend to feel uneasy and a little discomfort at the back of my neck. Hot, hot, hot. But after a while i get used to it. It's goes to any kind of changes in life i guess, you will always feel the uneasiness during the changing process.

Other minor addition is keeping back my tiny goatee look. Also to lose some weight and get the perfect balance for my height. Hmm...i think i stop here, and blog more about my other big decisions later....if i dont stop, i will be the longest bebel in bebel history....

elmo street

2004-10-06T15:02:00.000+08:00

Conversations
elmodrivesacarr : hye encik mosh
elmodrivesacarr : lama tak nampak
mosh_brigades: yoooo
mosh_brigades:
mosh_brigades: dah invi 24/7...u la yg tak kelihatan
mosh_brigades: wakakkka
elmodrivesacarr : hehehe
elmodrivesacarr : takla
mosh_brigades: iyela
elmodrivesacarr : ni baru je online setelah sekian lama
elmodrivesacarr : dah tak online sebulan nieh
mosh_brigades: ye ker.why the bz de bz?
mosh_brigades: study?
elmodrivesacarr : baru nak aktifkan YM balek
elmodrivesacarr : bz tu bz gak
mosh_brigades: bagus la
elmodrivesacarr : tapi more to takde internet service
elmodrivesacarr : hehehe
elmodrivesacarr :
mosh_brigades: wakakakakaa
elmodrivesacarr : so how are u these days?
mosh_brigades: minah tu pon sama arrr..
elmodrivesacarr : lama dah tak dengo cite pakcik
mosh_brigades: me..i'm fine
mosh_brigades: u?
elmodrivesacarr : minah tu lagi la lama tak online
elmodrivesacarr : i'm fine too
elmodrivesacarr : but having some acne probs due to stress
mosh_brigades: alaa..anything juz call me or visit my blog
mosh_brigades: wakakakaka..acne n stress
elmodrivesacarr : yeah...
elmodrivesacarr : u know what
mosh_brigades: what?
elmodrivesacarr : i've been trying to visit ur blog since the day u gave me the add
mosh_brigades: lalalallalaa
elmodrivesacarr : but still cudn't get thru
mosh_brigades: tak pegi pegi la tu
elmodrivesacarr : it must be the usm server culprit
elmodrivesacarr : nope
mosh_brigades: this one www.mosh.artctzen.com
elmodrivesacarr : i still have the add la
mosh_brigades: not the old one
elmodrivesacarr : aikk
elmodrivesacarr : not caught in the mosh?
mosh_brigades: but the old one still ader
elmodrivesacarr : apa la
elmodrivesacarr : tukaq2
elmodrivesacarr : mana la tau
mosh_brigades: ade both ade..actualy i got 6 blogs..and the artctzen blog is my main blog..
elmodrivesacarr : urrrk
elmodrivesacarr : u really hafta have a dozen blogs?
mosh_brigades: any updates to the other blogs will b mention in the artctzen blog
elmodrivesacarr : owh
mosh_brigades: yeah..is there any rule to this..wakakaa
elmodrivesacarr : well human technology..
elmodrivesacarr : i only know bout emotions..relationships...etc etc
mosh_brigades: i'm infected wit the blogritis syndrome
mosh_brigades: selseme blog
elmodrivesacarr : urrk.. that must be serious eh?
mosh_brigades: wakaaka..a'a aku kena dilupuskan
elmodrivesacarr : u shud seek a professional doctorate help
mosh_brigades: tapi sampai sekarang tak dpt dicari oleh jabatan perhilitan
mosh_brigades: u an b my doc, can u?
elmodrivesacarr : must drink 88 glasses of orang utans urin..
elmodrivesacarr : ayup
mosh_brigades: ok
elmodrivesacarr : no prob..
elmodrivesacarr : be ur doc..
mosh_brigades: then
elmodrivesacarr : i can be ur doc
elmodrivesacarr : but first u hafta do something..
elmodrivesacarr : eheheehe
mosh_brigades: after or before meals doc?
elmodrivesacarr : no lah
elmodrivesacarr : uhum.. drink 'em at both times
mosh_brigades: shake the bottle first i presume?
elmodrivesacarr : dont shake!
elmodrivesacarr : thats the rule!
mosh_brigades: does it makes me feel sleepy?
mosh_brigades: ok got u dont shake!
elmodrivesacarr : if not..all the urin's germs will float and u'll drink the germs as well and ur selsema blog syndrome wont recover
elmodrivesacarr : it makes ur more than sleepy
mosh_brigades: so sleepy i cant blog right?
elmodrivesacarr : u'll start thinking bout naked womens at hawaii beaches...
elmodrivesacarr : and also.. as if u have taken aphrodisiac
mosh_brigades: wow! dats great...it stimulates then
elmodrivesacarr : yup..so sleepy and u even forget bout ur blogs
mosh_brigades: i see i see
mosh_brigades: so wats the price fr this medicine doc?
elmodrivesacarr : just write my MSc thesis.. and finish it for me
elmodrivesacarr : simple as that
mosh_brigades: oh...darn!
elmodrivesacarr : u dont have to spend ur money at all
elmodrivesacarr : brilliant eh?
mosh_brigades: i hate writing thesis...so there goes my medicine
mosh_brigades: let me die then..
mosh_brigades: wakakaka
elmodrivesacarr : hahahahah
elmodrivesacarr : u sanggup mati dari bertungkus lumus buat thesis i?
elmodrivesacarr : thats bad
elmodrivesacarr : nyawa ada 1 je tau
mosh_brigades: hai nak pinang putri gunung ledang lagi senang dari nak obat u
elmodrivesacarr : heheheh
elmodrivesacarr : oit
elmodrivesacarr : tu lagi banyak permintaan
elmodrivesacarr : nak jambatan emas sampai ke puncak
elmodrivesacarr : jmbtn perak la
elmodrivesacarr : nak hati nyamuk la
elmodrivesacarr : nak hati hama la
elmodrivesacarr : u leh provide ke kalau nak pinang pun
mosh_brigades: jambatan pulau pinang pun bleh buat
elmodrivesacarr : eleh
elmodrivesacarr :
elmodrivesacarr : it took 15 years to build penang bridge
mosh_brigades: siap buat escalator emas ke perak
elmodrivesacarr : kalau u nak tunggu sampai 15 years
elmodrivesacarr : putri gunung ledang pun dah berkedut seribu
mosh_brigades: tak la 15 yrs...i amik pekerja kontrak indon banyak2 fr majapahit siapkan secepat mungkin
elmodrivesacarr : amboi
mosh_brigades: putri gunung ledang tak bekerepot la...sebab byk endorsement tuk cosmetic..so doe dapat byk fee stuff
elmodrivesacarr : ni sure peminat fanatik putri gunung ledang
mosh_brigades: rambut die pakai teknik rebonding panjang mengurai
elmodrivesacarr : hrheheehe..
elmodrivesacarr : takut tuh encik mosh
mosh_brigades:
mosh_brigades: apsal takut?
elmodrivesacarr : silap rebonding... nanti jadik nenek kebayan gunung ledang lak
elmodrivesacarr :
mosh_brigades: wakakakakaka
elmodrivesacarr : silap kawin nanti
elmodrivesacarr : hehehe
mosh_brigades: nenek kebayan tu mak puteri gunung ledang
elmodrivesacarr : owh pulak
elmodrivesacarr : uhumm
elmodrivesacarr : ok ok
mosh_brigades: asalnya adalah bonda putri gunung klebang
elmodrivesacarr : hehehehheehehe
elmodrivesacarr : u nieh
elmodrivesacarr : ada2 je
elmodrivesacarr : so u kat mana nieh?
elmodrivesacarr : keje ke?
mosh_brigades: bapak mati kena gigit rimau masa berak kat utan
mosh_brigades: kat cc..u?
elmodrivesacarr : tu lah... tak mintak permission dulu tu yang kena gigit tuh.. takpun lepas berak tak kambus ngan pasir macam kucing
elmodrivesacarr : i lak kat mechi school
elmodrivesacarr : where else?
mosh_brigades:
elmodrivesacarr : tengah nak siapkan keje nak antar next week
mosh_brigades: tu la..bila nak turun jb?
elmodrivesacarr : uhum..
elmodrivesacarr : that..u hafta ask she
elmodrivesacarr :
mosh_brigades: oh nak anto rombongan kat umah i?
mosh_brigades: wakakakaaa
mosh_brigades: she pon?
mosh_brigades: wakakakaa
elmodrivesacarr : uhum
elmodrivesacarr : leh ke?
mosh_brigades: <-----perasan de perasantan
elmodrivesacarr : nak goda adik lelaki u
elmodrivesacarr : mana tau still available
mosh_brigades: boleh..sama je antaran macam puteri gunung ledang
elmodrivesacarr : alaah..
elmodrivesacarr : no hal..
mosh_brigades: adik lelaki dah tunang..
elmodrivesacarr : nak lebih dari tu pun leh..
elmodrivesacarr : owh dah tunang pulak
elmodrivesacarr : amik moshy je lah
mosh_brigades: i kan putera gunng everest
elmodrivesacarr : everest?
elmodrivesacarr : alamak
elmodrivesacarr : nak anto rombongan pun dah beku
elmodrivesacarr : mcm mana nak kawin nieh
elmodrivesacarr : kensel terus!
mosh_brigades: yup ..nak climb sungguh susah..
mosh_brigades: cheh!
mosh_brigades: tak sanggup terima cabaran jalur gemilag la minah nie
mosh_brigades: wakakakkaa
elmodrivesacarr : It must be really lonely being you.
elmodrivesacarr : tak mo lah cabaran segitu
elmodrivesacarr : cabaran2 lain ble la
mosh_brigades: why lonely...up there we got a lot party u know
mosh_brigades: with snow bears and some penguins
elmodrivesacarr : yeah... party with lotsa freezy ice on ur nose thats what ur party is all about
elmodrivesacarr : and u eat dead people too eh?
elmodrivesacarr : just like in move "alive"...
mosh_brigades: yeah..we keep ourself close together..so we kept ourslf warm
elmodrivesacarr : but that's in Andes
elmodrivesacarr : whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...
mosh_brigades: alive?
mosh_brigades: new movie arr?
elmodrivesacarr : keep yourself close together..
elmodrivesacarr : i must fly to everest now!
elmodrivesacarr : hehehe
elmodrivesacarr : nope..
mosh_brigades: wakakaaa
elmodrivesacarr : its an old movie my dear
mosh_brigades: dont go there now..im here in jb..wakakakaka
elmodrivesacarr : ethan hawke lakon
mosh_brigades: ok old movie sucks!
elmodrivesacarr : alamak..
elmodrivesacarr : go fly with me togetherr..
elmodrivesacarr : eleh..as if u watch movies that often
elmodrivesacarr : cheh
mosh_brigades: ok then not so old la..since ethan is still young
elmodrivesacarr : old movie sucks konon
elmodrivesacarr : it was in 1996
elmodrivesacarr : eh moshy.. i nak gi lab sebelah jap
elmodrivesacarr : i msg u balek in 5 mins
elmodrivesacarr : jap eh
mosh_brigades: i tot like those cannibals movies shot in he seventies..it sucks..i dont know why the hell my fren bought e
mosh_brigades: ok
elmodrivesacarr : uhum..
elmodrivesacarr : izzit true?
elmodrivesacarr : i mean that cannibals movie
elmodrivesacarr : faces of death rite?
elmodrivesacarr : moshy
elmodrivesacarr : moshy
elmodrivesacarr : moshy
elmodrivesacarr : moshy
elmodrivesacarr : It must be really lonely being you.
BUZZ!!!
elmodrivesacarr : ellop?
elmodrivesacarr : where r u senor?
mosh_brigades: wei
mosh_brigades: sori..i tak on speaker
mosh_brigades: so tak dengo la
elmodrivesacarr : yeaaaaaaah rite
mosh_brigades: ok wcb..
elmodrivesacarr : cheh
elmodrivesacarr : wcb?
mosh_brigades: jangan mare
mosh_brigades: yo..namapak tuko lab?
mosh_brigades: wcb..welcome back
elmodrivesacarr : another name for selsema blog syndrome
elmodrivesacarr : owh
elmodrivesacarr : okay
elmodrivesacarr : wcb
elmodrivesacarr : bila org chatting ngan dia tak mo jwb
mosh_brigades: ader ni
elmodrivesacarr : pastu bila orrg invi dia buat status "mari kita invi beramai2"
elmodrivesacarr : ish
mosh_brigades: ler majuk lak puteri gunung tahan ni
elmodrivesacarr : tak payah nak putri2
mosh_brigades: abih
elmodrivesacarr : nanti kena kemban kat atas gunung
elmodrivesacarr : sejuk tau tak
mosh_brigades: wakakakaka..ok gak
elmodrivesacarr : tak mo aaah..
elmodrivesacarr : putri ni allergic sejuk
mosh_brigades: tak penah keman la nie
mosh_brigades: oh allergic sejuk, camner nak ikut gi everest
elmodrivesacarr : takleh kena sejuk
elmodrivesacarr : tu la pasalll
elmodrivesacarr : tu sbb kensel terus tadi
elmodrivesacarr :
elmodrivesacarr : ehheeh
mosh_brigades: tak pe demi puteri..putera sanggup kuar dari kingdom everest nak stay kat gunung tahan
elmodrivesacarr : hahaha..
mosh_brigades: muakakakaka
elmodrivesacarr : okay
elmodrivesacarr : bernafas udara yang sama?
mosh_brigades: yea..mandi air yg sama
elmodrivesacarr : kanda teguh memegang janji
elmodrivesacarr : ye ye...
mosh_brigades: sudah tentu puteri ku
elmodrivesacarr : buleh buleh
elmodrivesacarr : esok dinda buat walking trail dari everest ke gunung tahan
mosh_brigades: esok suruh memanda menteri pegi cari kayu api kita buat party
elmodrivesacarr : jangan lupa..
elmodrivesacarr :
elmodrivesacarr :
elmodrivesacarr : wah wah..
mosh_brigades: muakakkakaa..ae budget ke puteri?
elmodrivesacarr : mamanda menteri masih groovy lagi wpun sudah menjangkau 88 tahun
mosh_brigades: jauh tau everest ngan tanah melayu ni
elmodrivesacarr : budget? mintak kat paklah la
elmodrivesacarr : takpe..
elmodrivesacarr : kerana kanda..
elmodrivesacarr : dinda sanggup berkorban nyawa
elmodrivesacarr : merentas lautan api
mosh_brigades: sebab tu kanda suruh memanda pergi cai kayu api, dah kerepot rimau pun tak selera
elmodrivesacarr : owh.. ade udang di sebalik batu ye kanda..
elmodrivesacarr : kanda nieh.. mengexploitasi orang tua..
mosh_brigades: jika lautan api dinda rentas, tiba i everest kanda sejukkan semula bara itu
mosh_brigades: kanda bukan exploit tapi take oppurtunity aje..
elmodrivesacarr : woih.. nggak buleh terlampau drastik..
elmodrivesacarr : biar panas baranya berkurangan dulu baru kanda hendak sejukkan..
mosh_brigades: sia2 pangkat kebesaran yg dinda kurnia pd memanda menteri
elmodrivesacarr : bisa mati tau
elmodrivesacarr : wah.. bijak kanda mengurus negeri
elmodrivesacarr :
mosh_brigades: ok..dah sampai everest..masuk icebox diraja dulu
mosh_brigades: bijak memang bijak..tengkiu..wakaakaakakkaka
elmodrivesacarr : dah
elmodrivesacarr : jangan nak ngarut
mosh_brigades:
elmodrivesacarr : suka beno berfantasi
elmodrivesacarr : mcm mana nak maju?
elmodrivesacarr : geget kang
mosh_brigades: u started it 1st with dat gorilla urine
elmodrivesacarr : not gorilla my dear
elmodrivesacarr : its orang utan
mosh_brigades: geget baliks..
mosh_brigades: ok org utan..
elmodrivesacarr : orang utans have different emotions..
elmodrivesacarr : they are more tame than gorrilas
mosh_brigades: ofkoss hey do
elmodrivesacarr : geget balek?
elmodrivesacarr : no way
elmodrivesacarr : geget la org utan tuh
mosh_brigades: org uta tuh suruh geget doctor
mosh_brigades: muaakakakakkaa
elmodrivesacarr : woih
elmodrivesacarr : takleh
elmodrivesacarr : doc pakai baju getah
elmodrivesacarr : maksudnya takleh geget
mosh_brigades: takpe org utan gigi kuat
elmodrivesacarr : org utan patutnya paham
mosh_brigades: can bite thru anything
elmodrivesacarr : ni kena panggil pelatih balek nieh
elmodrivesacarr : woih
elmodrivesacarr : really?
elmodrivesacarr : thats serious
elmodrivesacarr : even ganas dari lelaki
elmodrivesacarr : hahahah
mosh_brigades: yes...maybe..depends on how old the org utan..
elmodrivesacarr : hafta find a way to prevent this
mosh_brigades: easy..juz pull off all its teeth
elmodrivesacarr : whoaaa
elmodrivesacarr : that wud be cruel
mosh_brigades: manusia is cruel
elmodrivesacarr : am not like u moshy
elmodrivesacarr : am not
elmodrivesacarr : am just cruel to lipas only
elmodrivesacarr :
mosh_brigades: cruel gak then
elmodrivesacarr : well we are supposed to be cruel to bugs like lipas
mosh_brigades: sebab??
elmodrivesacarr : coz they are buggers
elmodrivesacarr : plus
elmodrivesacarr : they give us disease
elmodrivesacarr : plus they are dirty
elmodrivesacarr : plus.. they are geli
mosh_brigades: so they provided jobs for doctors n business oppurtunities for pharmacist what?
elmodrivesacarr : cant u feel 'em so geli when their leg touches ur skin?
elmodrivesacarr : but still
mosh_brigades: did u know that these bugs feel the same way about us? they say the same thing..aw geli la manusia ni.muakakkaa
elmodrivesacarr : pharmacist and doctors have other string of penyebab kesakitan other than lupas
elmodrivesacarr : *lipas
elmodrivesacarr : well to hell with lipas
elmodrivesacarr : eh have u watched joe's apartment?
mosh_brigades: well lipas provided business for mortein ridsect n stuff...
elmodrivesacarr : we still have mosquitos..hello??
mosh_brigades: i did..but tak ngk abis
mosh_brigades: mosquitos are ok...only females sucks bloods...
elmodrivesacarr : u sure?
mosh_brigades: yup
elmodrivesacarr : so where do males get their food then?
mosh_brigades: bad females mosquitos
mosh_brigades: sucking plants
elmodrivesacarr : from sexual intercourse with the females mosquitos/
elmodrivesacarr : are u sure?
mosh_brigades: nope
mosh_brigades: sure
elmodrivesacarr : i think.. males suck humans blood
mosh_brigades: ahahahahhaa..ok im not sure..but dats wat i learned at school
elmodrivesacarr : not the females
elmodrivesacarr : oh yeah..
mosh_brigades: no no..dat im sure female sucks bloods
elmodrivesacarr : u simply gimme false information bout mosquitos
elmodrivesacarr :
mosh_brigades: no female sucks blood..dats is a fact!
elmodrivesacarr : That's not funny. That's not even in the same zip code as funny.
elmodrivesacarr :
elmodrivesacarr : okay okay
mosh_brigades: hahahaa...
elmodrivesacarr : moshy..
elmodrivesacarr : dtg aa penang
mosh_brigades: auwww..pinkish..
elmodrivesacarr : yup... pink = female
mosh_brigades: nak datang nie...bile ek?
mosh_brigades: pink = red + white
elmodrivesacarr : dtg aa lps raya
mosh_brigades: red = blood
elmodrivesacarr : white?
elmodrivesacarr : white = innocent
mosh_brigades: good idea, bole raya sekali...
elmodrivesacarr : pink = innocent blood
elmodrivesacarr : uhum no prob
elmodrivesacarr : ajak la she
elmodrivesacarr : she sure suka
mosh_brigades: nak duit raya tak?
elmodrivesacarr : whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
elmodrivesacarr : of course
elmodrivesacarr : dah tanya mesti la nak
elmodrivesacarr : hehehe
mosh_brigades: memang la.takan tak jumpe she...u n she la kite jumpa
elmodrivesacarr : laaa.. jumpe she lah
elmodrivesacarr : i wat pe
elmodrivesacarr : i ajak sbb nak swuh u jmpe she
mosh_brigades: lorrr...both u guys my fren what?
elmodrivesacarr :
elmodrivesacarr : owh.. okay then
elmodrivesacarr : no prob
mosh_brigades: kenapa nak suruh i jumpe she?
elmodrivesacarr : just tell me when
elmodrivesacarr : saje je
elmodrivesacarr : u kan lebih lama kenal dia
mosh_brigades: sure...
mosh_brigades: alah...sama je mm kenal u..both of u are great chatters...but diff personality
elmodrivesacarr : how diff?
mosh_brigades: its fun to chat with u guys..
elmodrivesacarr : mebbe am a bit bubbly eh?
mosh_brigades: ok..she is more like...
elmodrivesacarr : she is known having all the words in the world
elmodrivesacarr : she's gud with words
mosh_brigades: yup..u r bubbly...n she kinda got like an attitude..
elmodrivesacarr : yup
elmodrivesacarr : she is
elmodrivesacarr :
mosh_brigades: good attitue la..yg diff fr other female chatters
elmodrivesacarr : yup..
elmodrivesacarr : cool
mosh_brigades: tah..anyway..i think we connect in some ways
elmodrivesacarr : ahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..GUD NEWS!
mosh_brigades: n u too... we kinda hav thesame frequency
elmodrivesacarr : somebody admits that he is connected with she in some ways
elmodrivesacarr : well thats new!
elmodrivesacarr : hehehhe
elmodrivesacarr : hafta tell she rite away
elmodrivesacarr : u know what
mosh_brigades: juz look at we chat juz now..we cant go from one topik to anoher
elmodrivesacarr : we've been talking bout relationship and stuffs
elmodrivesacarr : and we are just so pelik..
mosh_brigades: so we are like thinking in the same frequency..
mosh_brigades: compatible in a way
elmodrivesacarr : compatible eh?
elmodrivesacarr : ok ok..
elmodrivesacarr : let me continue
elmodrivesacarr : bout my conversation with she ysterday
mosh_brigades: yup..dats what makes it fun n great..the pelikness of everything we are
mosh_brigades: ok carry on...
elmodrivesacarr : we just knew a fren of us di lamar oleh 2 org lelaki
elmodrivesacarr : and..
elmodrivesacarr : what makes us more pelik
mosh_brigades: wow
elmodrivesacarr : she's not attractive at all
mosh_brigades: dats is cruel to say..hahha
elmodrivesacarr : and she has this gediks2 punye perangai
elmodrivesacarr : no
elmodrivesacarr : this is a fact
mosh_brigades: gediks..hahhaha .lagi
elmodrivesacarr : ok
mosh_brigades: ok
elmodrivesacarr : am talking bout something so realistic tau
elmodrivesacarr : and kitaorg makin pelik
mosh_brigades: ok carry on...
elmodrivesacarr : kenapa kitaorg berdua takde sesapa pun yang nak lamar
elmodrivesacarr : or antar rombongan meminang ke
mosh_brigades: lorrrrrrrrrr.....
mosh_brigades: sedihnye dengo....
elmodrivesacarr : and we made this comparison between us and the gal
elmodrivesacarr : eh
elmodrivesacarr : its not that we ar desperate for sombody to come and lamar us
elmodrivesacarr : its not like that
elmodrivesacarr : but we are just so pelik
mosh_brigades: ok whats ur thesis came with...
elmodrivesacarr : we are more attractive and fun and interesting and like u said.. having the attitude..
elmodrivesacarr : but why no guys come and approach us
elmodrivesacarr : thats what make us confused
mosh_brigades: hmmm...
elmodrivesacarr : do we look so snobbish in a way that makes guys are affraid to aproach?
elmodrivesacarr : or guys are afraid of rejectioon?
elmodrivesacarr : hehehe
elmodrivesacarr : i dont understand
mosh_brigades: u both look beautiful n nice..i pon pelik if nobody noticed dat
elmodrivesacarr : supposed.. now is the time for us to have those like.. crush experience and all .. but ntah
elmodrivesacarr : i dont know lah psl guys nieh
mosh_brigades: do u wanna know?
elmodrivesacarr : yeah
elmodrivesacarr : sure
elmodrivesacarr : guys just dont bother to approach?
mosh_brigades: wat do u wanna know then?
elmodrivesacarr : or guys want gals to approach?
elmodrivesacarr : or guys are actually becoming more or less gay?
elmodrivesacarr : uhum..
elmodrivesacarr : which is which moshy?
mosh_brigades: hahahhahaha...
mosh_brigades: well..there is always diff personalities in males and females
elmodrivesacarr :
elmodrivesacarr : yerp
elmodrivesacarr : i know that
elmodrivesacarr : i just read Mars Vs Venus by John Gray
mosh_brigades: an understanding each personality is good
elmodrivesacarr : uhum
elmodrivesacarr : go on
mosh_brigades: good good...
mosh_brigades: but the best wayis to understand urself
mosh_brigades: which category do u fell in
elmodrivesacarr : yerp..
elmodrivesacarr : i dont know what personalities do i have.. and what kelebihan yg i ada..
elmodrivesacarr : u know what am saying?
elmodrivesacarr : like some ppl
mosh_brigades: ok..this is when i suggest u somehing...
elmodrivesacarr : they know they have this art talent
elmodrivesacarr : and they become good artist
elmodrivesacarr : and some..they know they have good voice.. and they go to singing line..and there we have siti nurhaliza..
elmodrivesacarr : u know things like that
elmodrivesacarr : but i dont know mine
elmodrivesacarr : what do u suggest?
mosh_brigades: ppl like artist or creative ppl..
elmodrivesacarr : uuhum..
mosh_brigades: express themself better with what they create
mosh_brigades: lke in paintings, musics, words..etc
elmodrivesacarr : uhum..
elmodrivesacarr : go on
mosh_brigades: for u , i suggest, u start wit wanting to know urself
elmodrivesacarr : encik moshy
mosh_brigades: thekey is want to...
elmodrivesacarr : how to do that
mosh_brigades: penting ni ..niat
mosh_brigades: ok then how to
mosh_brigades: hen when to...
elmodrivesacarr : its like i'm thrown to a desert and u ask me to find my way back
elmodrivesacarr : want to...how to..when to...
elmodrivesacarr : okay..
mosh_brigades: no im sorry..its like this what , when, why and how...thats the correct aturan
elmodrivesacarr : 5 wives and a husband
mosh_brigades: ok la..find this book..its the 1st step...
elmodrivesacarr : 5W and 1 h
elmodrivesacarr : okay
elmodrivesacarr : what book?
mosh_brigades: personality plus
elmodrivesacarr : by?
mosh_brigades: hav u read em?
mosh_brigades: florence littauer
elmodrivesacarr : nope
mosh_brigades: then follow with personality for couples...
elmodrivesacarr : havent
mosh_brigades: same author
mosh_brigades: u wont regret..
mosh_brigades: trust me
elmodrivesacarr : i just finished mars vs venus by john gray and 7 habits of effective ppl by steven r. covey
elmodrivesacarr : uhum
elmodrivesacarr : okay..
mosh_brigades: both great book...
elmodrivesacarr : i'll try
mosh_brigades: stephen r covey said that we must
elmodrivesacarr : oops stephen
elmodrivesacarr : wrong spelling
mosh_brigades: focus in ourself so that we can control our outer environments
mosh_brigades: steven yeah..sorry
mosh_brigades: dats stephen chow
mosh_brigades: akakkaka
elmodrivesacarr : no mine is wrong moshy..
mosh_brigades: ok im right then...
elmodrivesacarr : most motivators will ask an individual to know themselves
elmodrivesacarr : but its hard u see
mosh_brigades: most motivators know themselves
elmodrivesacarr : i dah hidup 23 years
elmodrivesacarr : and still
mosh_brigades: their weaknesses n their strong points
elmodrivesacarr : i dunno i siapa sebenarnya
elmodrivesacarr : uhum
elmodrivesacarr : yup
mosh_brigades: find those books
elmodrivesacarr : i think by 23 spatutnya dah tau kan?
elmodrivesacarr : okay
elmodrivesacarr : i'll try
elmodrivesacarr : thanks moshy
elmodrivesacarr :
mosh_brigades: nope..some ppl are still lost...and some died n whitered whitout knowing their meaning in their life
mosh_brigades: u r not late my dear...we are never late...
mosh_brigades: dont mention..
elmodrivesacarr : hehehe
elmodrivesacarr : otay
elmodrivesacarr :
elmodrivesacarr : so..
elmodrivesacarr : u know urs?
mosh_brigades: what more important is what we become not what we are now
elmodrivesacarr : th meaning of u in life?
mosh_brigades: yes...
elmodrivesacarr : yup... kalau ade buku psl masa depan that i can go thru
mosh_brigades: my goals ae my meanings
elmodrivesacarr : sure best
elmodrivesacarr : uhum..
mosh_brigades: u can read viktor r. frankyl.man search for meaning
mosh_brigades: true story of life in nazy camp
elmodrivesacarr : u like to read eh?
mosh_brigades: yup
elmodrivesacarr : anne frank?
mosh_brigades: anne frank..ive heard that in a book .the traveller's gift by andy andrews
mosh_brigades: she always choose to be happy
elmodrivesacarr : cool.. wise berkadar langsung dengan pembacaan
elmodrivesacarr : yup..
elmodrivesacarr : she's a jew
mosh_brigades: dat book is really great..i always read n reread it when im feeing knda out or down
elmodrivesacarr : pastu jadik one of the nazy's tahanan
mosh_brigades: yup..
elmodrivesacarr : yup.. dont u think its kinda memesongkan?
elmodrivesacarr : i havent read the book yet
elmodrivesacarr : but a fren once told me the book is kinda pesongkn akidah
mosh_brigades: the mostimportant think for us is to have the capacity to impart knowledge fom anything
elmodrivesacarr : i dunno
mosh_brigades: from good or the bad
elmodrivesacarr : uhum..
elmodrivesacarr : yeah
mosh_brigades: take the positivenesss of it all
elmodrivesacarr : yup sure do
mosh_brigades: and lastly be a person of progress and dont stop to learn
mosh_brigades: and be humble...we dont know everything
elmodrivesacarr : allrite boss!
elmodrivesacarr : hehehe
mosh_brigades: kepala jgn atas awan..kaki tak jejak bumi
elmodrivesacarr : how old are u again moshy?
mosh_brigades: alamak......aku membebel aku membebel
mosh_brigades: stop stop
mosh_brigades: 31
elmodrivesacarr : and still not married?
mosh_brigades: yup
elmodrivesacarr : ke divorcee?
mosh_brigades: yup
elmodrivesacarr : ke divorcee?
mosh_brigades: nope
elmodrivesacarr : allrite
elmodrivesacarr : afraid of commitment?
mosh_brigades: what alrrite?? hahaha
mosh_brigades: nope
elmodrivesacarr : frustrated?
mosh_brigades: putting the commitment
elmodrivesacarr : heheheheh
elmodrivesacarr : cool
elmodrivesacarr :
elmodrivesacarr : have the calon yet?
mosh_brigades: nope...realization is on its way
mosh_brigades: calon. nope
elmodrivesacarr : <------sibuk je
mosh_brigades: putri gunung jer
mosh_brigades: takpe...
elmodrivesacarr : well u'll find one..insyaAllah
elmodrivesacarr : Cuma
elmodrivesacarr : jgn tunggu lama2
elmodrivesacarr : nanti at one stage u terus takde nafsu nak kawin lagi
mosh_brigades: sibuk, buat2 sibuk atau penyibuk is a god trade f put in a right situation
elmodrivesacarr : coz u dah comfortable alone
mosh_brigades: good* not god
mosh_brigades: no la..ade goals utk hav a family
mosh_brigades: my family
elmodrivesacarr : ok cool
elmodrivesacarr :
mosh_brigades: got a picture of that on my mind
elmodrivesacarr : eh mosh
elmodrivesacarr : good
elmodrivesacarr : keep it
elmodrivesacarr : dont lose it
elmodrivesacarr : eh mosh
elmodrivesacarr : i hafta go
mosh_brigades: dont wanna keep it..i wanna live it
elmodrivesacarr : nak sambung keje nak anta next week
mosh_brigades: ok...darling..
mosh_brigades: sambung keje ea
elmodrivesacarr : so chat next time eh?
elmodrivesacarr :
mosh_brigades: get those books k..we'll tak abt it nanti
elmodrivesacarr : thanks for the motivation
mosh_brigades: ok
elmodrivesacarr : ok
elmodrivesacarr : insyaAllah
mosh_brigades: sure..u too..thnks
elmodrivesacarr : kena carik MPH by end of this month la nampaknya
elmodrivesacarr : ok bye...
elmodrivesacarr :
elmodrivesacarr : akum
mosh_brigades: ws
elmodrivesacarr :

GAC

2004-10-02T11:44:00.000+08:00

Guilty As Charge

Guilty as charged for crime I did not make
Guilty as charged and the sentence I have to take
Gimme a break, I’m old enough to know if I made a mistake
No give and take, You’re stubborn and all you care is all about yourself
I don’t wanna be part of you,
You’re so indulged in your self-pity ness
And you blame it on me for reason I don’t even know
Do as you say not as you do,
What’s the matter? Give me a clue
If you’re so good then why did you failed,
To turn this constitution into a better place
I’m so fuckin tired of your stupid harassments,
You’re blind as a bat and stinks like a rat

Guilty as charge, you’re guilty for all the things you say to me
Can’t cut a deal, You should go and make your own crummy world
Where you could charge anyone you like, Guilty! Guilty! Guilty!

For every second of my life I owed to you,
I would rather take a beating then remembering you,
Coz’ you’re guilty as charged.

...a lyric for a supposed pantera-ish song that not come to see the day light yet somewhere in 1998. Bila la aku nak buat band semula?

tHE cHOSEN

2004-09-23T15:18:00.000+08:00

The Chosen
I’m beginning to see things in perspective now
The pieces falling just right for the right reasons
And totally right for the wrong reasons too
Have to grab the opportunity when it appears
There are signs everywhere
If only my sight is on the right level then maybe I can see the bigger picture
The puzzle will be unfold
I’m waiting it and putting in something
Maybe a bit, but it is the seed
I welcome everything
I will embrace the true meaning of life/love
The other me is drowning and fighting the existance of the new me
The emerging soul of real freedom
There’s a war going on
And it is inside me
It is there already
Come and I shall protect you
We belong together…

Money Honey

2004-09-16T18:45:00.000+08:00

MOney Honey

They say money doesn't grow on trees
But money is the root of all evil
Some say no money no talk
A lot talks too much for money (bloody politicians!)
Money can't buy you love
Tell that to the Datuks (gatal ones)
Or ask the young new no-hit-so-called artists (gatal too)
Some people kill for money
Some die without it
A lot people work for money
Some people sleeps on money coz' their money works for them
Money makes people sick, stupid, selfish
Money is a drug
Some get overdosed
For me money is just money
Buy things, give to mom some, some to grandma
Buy this, buy that!
What's the big deal anyway? So what!?

Kai 1995 "Who needs a million in a coffin?"

...that was written back then '95, that time i think i was not so happy with my income working with a financial institution or i was pretty bored with my life situations...maybe I was angry...maybe sad....and i know i was in denial...and i blame it on money...but some of what i wrote stayed true while some, after years of learning and experience until now, i realized that money is important, no money no honey!

money is not everything, but i can buy a lot of things! without money is kinda ..bad! people throw questions now and then, can money buy you happiness, love, time, health..etc??

Now, I would say...YA DUDE!! Imagine giving everything your family wants, imagine ur hari raya or festivities when u have everything to celebrate...the looks on ur wife, ur children, ur moms n pops...dats happiness my fren...giving more time to ur love ones by not staying late in the office to do some overtime coz u have enough...dats is LOVE..coz LOVE to a child is spelled TIME, imagined having all the money to get the best medicine, the best doctor, the best treatment...dats is health! imagined giving more to charities or the needy....dats significance!

Well, freedom is sure being free...but it comes with a price...and money usually one of the requirements...

Symptoms Of Blogritis

2004-09-10T13:23:00.000+08:00

How do you know if you are a blogholic?

Moshi moshi,

Well according to Dr. Inamorata W.Doodlebot of The Japan Institute of Vein Experiment (JIVE), a study on 1,021 people between the age of 15 to 45 who maintained or having blog/s or any kind of personal web diary/ies revealed that 21% of them showed the following patterns or behaviour changes when infected by the Blogritis virus :

1. Showing signs of stress or depression when having nothing to blog about. Some would cry and some would vomit blood. Yucks! Go see a doctor will ya.

2. Blog to just about everything! About his/her neighbour dog giving birth (with pictures too!) to about growing an acne on his/her face.

3. Having more than 7 blogs.(hehehe...i'm saved, got only 6)

4. Blogging while taking a dump with the laptop and blog about taking a dump. (Luckily, no pictures were inserted)

5.Changing and editing the blog template every half and hour.

6.Reading their own blog posts 3 times daily including the archives just to see whether there are spelling errors. Duh!

7. Saying 'NO' to wife/husband/gf/bf and prefers to blogging.

8. His/her pet cat died and rot for a week for lack of sufficient food and attention.

9. Naming their newborn, "Bloggy".

10. Commenting on their own post EVERYTIME and under a different ID.

and lastly,

11. Reading this post just to check whether you are a blogholica.

Arigato Gozaimas, Sayonara!

EMO IQ

2004-08-25T09:34:00.000+08:00

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE – notes from the book “The Cash flow Quadrant”
By Robert T. Kiyosaki

A big part in being human is being human. And being human means having emotions. All of us have the same emotions. We all feel fear, sadness, anger, love, hate, disappointment, joy, happiness and other emotions. What makes us individuals is how we handle those emotions.

Same emotions, different thought…different being…different doing…different having.Emotional IQ is more powerful than Academic IQ according to Daniel Goleman book, “Emotional Intelligence”. Goleman quotes 16th century humanist Eramus Rotterdam, who wrote a satirical vein of the perennial tension between reason and emotion.

In his writing, he uses the ratio of 24 : 1 in comparing the power of emotional brain to the rational brain. In other words, when emotions are in high gear, emotions are 24 times stronger than the rational mind. It is not known if this ratio is valid, but it does have some usefulness as a reference to the power of emotional thinking vs. rational thinking.

(24) Emotional Brain : (1 ) Rational Brain

All of us, if we are human, have experienced events in our lives when our emotions overtook our rational thoughts, most of us have:

1.Said something out of anger that we later wish we had not said.

2.Been attracted to someone we knew was not good for us…but still went out with them, or worse, married them.

3.Have cried, or seen someone cry uncontrollably, because the loss of a loved one.

4.Did something intentionally to hurt someone we love because we were hurt.

5.Had our heart broken and not gotten over it for a long time.

Those are just a few examples of emotions being stronger than rational thought. There are times when emotions are more than 24 : 1, and these are often called:

1.Addictions, such as compulsive eating, smoking, sex, shopping, drugs.

2.Phobias, such as fear of snakes, height, tight spaces, the dark, strangers.

These and other behaviors are often 100% emotionally driven. There is little power that rational thought has over the emotional thought when something as strong as addictions and phobias are involved.

Emo

2004-08-18T16:49:00.000+08:00

What is pain? I think pain is important to our life. It gives more meaning to life. If you know what I mean anyway…I mean I look at pain as a proportional to life itself. Having not eating sufficient food for two days…gives hunger a meaning…a good meal a significance and life a better view. I’ve learned that I can smile without food for two days. I can help and motivate people. I learn that life is beautiful. I learn that anger and frustration, trust and integrity work at the same time. And best of all I’m prepared for next encounters, God help me be.

Aku Hidup Hari Nih!!

2004-08-12T15:51:00.001+08:00

Living In The NOW Moment

I cannot change the PAST

I do not know what the FUTURE holds for me

But I know what is happening right NOW

and I can CHANGE things NOW

So I DECIDED to live in the NOW moment

I know that in every NOW I have,

it will accumulates to be my FUTURE

and in every NOW that I have too,

will be collected to be my PAST

NOW is my FUTURE and my PAST

NOW is the TIME, NOW is the MOMENT

NOW is where to START, NOW is EVERYTHING

NOW is the BEGINNING, It's NOW or NEVER!!

I will live TODAY

I don't live TOMORROW

now what?! duh!

The Best Medicine

2004-08-09T07:59:00.000+08:00

Is laughter the best medicine? I mean, can it cure AIDS, breast cancer, leukemia or even the common flu? NOT!! But I guess it gives a kind of relief. When you can laugh at the things that have gone wrong in your life, you know that you are cured. Well, maybe just spiritually or mentally.

I read that the average adult laughed at least 17 times a day. Iye ker?? I’ve counted my laughter today and it is less than 17. Wait a minute, it says ‘average’, maybe I should keep track of a month laughter or 30 days. Wait again, it says ‘the average adult’. Am I an average adult? But first, Am I considered an adult? Arghhh…malas nak pikir...

It continues to say that only humans laugh. Then I thought, is this true? I mean I’ve heard of laughing hyenas. And I don’t mean cartoon characters like bugs bunny, Donald duck or that purple monster Barney. I mean real animals. Like monkeys, birds or dolphins. The scientists got it wrong. I know that animals do laugh. Scientists just have not found evidence to support the fact that animals do laugh thus they came out with a theory that only humans do. I think the animals are watching and laughing at what we humans have done to ourselves. The bad things to humanity and our earth. Maybe they are crying also….

Laughter – a physiological response to humor consisting of gestures and production of sounds. The Encyclopedia Britannica described it as “rhythmic, vocalized, expiratory and involuntarily actions".

Gestures and sounds. Yup, variations of ‘em. I got this friend who rubs his tummy when he is laughing. And he got this continuous giggles up to 2 minutes. And that is just for some minor jokes (well, to me anyway). He looks like a monkey. I think he laughed or acted like that just to get some attention at him or to add more humiliation at those he make fun of. I think that he should be a clown. He already looks and sounds like one. He only needed a red nose.

Another of my friend, laugh and hit people on the back or the shoulder. He usually hit before he laugh. This can be very irritating to me. I mean, if it just a gentle slap on the shoulder then it’s OK. But a blow like Hulk Hogan can make me want to return the slap just as hard and laugh as hard at him too.

And I also see people who laughed until tears rolls down their cheeks. Happened to me too. It tickles your funny bones to the extreme and you shed tears for nothing. The scientific explanation for this is that the extreme movement of the jaws of mouth by closing and opening caused the struggle for more oxygen and this causes tear ducts to shed and also causes the face to turn red. And maybe the ears too.

Sometimes I see people who close their mouth with the palms of their hands when they laughed. I think it’s because they have bad breath or ugly teeth or even no teeth at all (hahhaha).

They are also a variety sounds of laughter. The hi hi hi ( like hantu ones), the ha ha ha ( the regular ones), the ho ho ho ( the santa claus ones) with different levels of tone, pitch, duration and volume. It really depends on the personality of the person and how he/she perceived the humor. Some sounded like monkeys, some like chickens and some like Beavis and Butthead. Well nobody have the same laughter I think. Laughter is like fingerprints , no two are the same.

In the cyber world, other than audio voice, laughter is indicated by some icons or by typing certain letters. For instance you got this old thing, lol (laughing out loud) or variations as follows:

The usual hahaha, hihihi or hehehehe
Wakakakakakkakaka ( funny!) or
Muakakakakkakakaka ( funny up a level with the addition of “mua” in the front) or
Kekekeeekekekeke ( sheeplike laugh)
Kui kui kui kui kui kui ( birdlike laugh)

The length of the typed variation laughter shows how he/she perceived the humor.

Laughter is also used to show superiority or satisfaction. Like in the old cerita melayu, you can see the villains or orang jahat laughing senselessly or endlessly. Usually the head crook will laughed first followed by the rest of the crew. Or sometimes it shows evilness in progress. “Ha ha ha” rubbing palm of hands,” I’m going to kill them all and all the richness will be mine! Mine! Mine!” followed by a louder “ha ha ha ha ha” and maybe a thunder strike.

It also can be used a way to make money. Like being a clown or a comedian or whatever you called ‘em in the entertainment industry. Some made millions. Making people laugh and making money for themselves. In Japan they got this laughing contest. The longest time laughing, the most unique sound of laughter etc. etc.

I’ve also heard about a person who suffers continuous laughing. This person can’t stop laughing! That's odd! I thought laughter is the best medicine! Maybe I can say he is on medication. Laughing painfully.

Can we fake laughter? Of course we can. I hate those radio DJs who faked laughing at their own lame jokes. But can you tickle yourself to laugh? No. I don’t think so. I’ve tried.

ThOUghTS oF tHe Day

2004-08-06T02:22:00.000+08:00

"Money is just an idea. It's just paper with ink. It's for service rendered"

Bob Proctor

"The possibilities is endless when your mind ends giving up"

mOSH

nUTS

2004-08-05T09:10:00.000+08:00

MASSA magazine reported that statistically 25% of Malaysian population suffers/experiencing/have mental problems/sickness/delusions or depression. And there are actually 205 types of psychological diseases. From the mild and unnoticed ones to the ultra chronic. Wow! 25%! That's a lot! 25% of crazy and wacky people in Malaysia. Then I start to wonder, am I in that 25%? How would I know?

Then I start to think, do animals have some sort of this mental problems? I mean I've heard of 'anjing gila' (dogs with rabies). My mother used to scare me when I was little, "Baik-baik, jangan main kat tepi jalan tu, ada anjing gila, nanti kena gigit, gila juga". And it worked too, scared the hell out of me. Well it was back then.

What if animals got into depression, what would they act like? What if these animals gets crazy? How would we know? What are the irregularities shown in their behavior? What are the signs? If they got really really depressed, would they commit suicide? Questions unanswered.

Suicide huh? Come to think of it, you always heard of or see some frogs, rabbits, raccoons, lizards got dead in the roads. Jumping to their death. Are they committing suicide? And cats climbed so high up the trees, are they attempting suicide?

But the question is, why would they be so depressed? Why would they want to commit suicide? Is it biological imbalance? Is it a virus infected disease? Are they experiencing emotional stress or problems? Are they having delusions?

Broken hearted cats. Dogs in unhappy relationships. Frogs on social pressure. Cows with grass supply issues. Sheeps suffering anorexia. Schizophrenic birds. Rabbits in a dilemma. Delusional mosquito. The list could go on and on. Endless possibilities.

I think I'll stop here. I'm going nuts! Hell, I'm in that 25%! Shit! Budush!

Sane cat. Pic courtesy of ZeN

I'M LOVIN' IT !!

2004-08-03T03:53:00.000+08:00

Tips For Eating At McD

If you happen to be a customer at McD, here are some tips for you when dining (dining?! eating la!) there :

1) Before you proceed to the counter make sure you have make up your mind on what to order. This is to ensure that you don’t waste other people time (like me) waiting for you in front to decide whether to have the small French fries or large (duh!).

And especially if you have kids, do the same with them (maybe before even step out from your home). We don’t want to hear you scold your kids or teaching them that fillet is made from fish and nuggets are from chickens.

And secondly it will not hold the queue and you are actually doing a favor to the good people behind the counter to ensure smooth service.

Lastly, it’s also good to make up your mind because those smiling McD guys and gals will always ask you to add either sundae, apple pie or anything that you might not need. But what the heck, everything is good at McD, so might as well eat it if you add it! It’s not a sin.

2) If you want to have a sundae or just some drinks, please ordered it at the small special service stall located at the entrance. Reason : refer to tip No. 1.

3) McD now have a sauce server near its counter. So you could press chili or tomato sauce to your liking inside this small plastic like saucers. So if you are like me( love chili sauce, lots of ‘em), make sure you find a seat near to the server. You don’t want to go to have more sauce, getting back and found out they taken your unfinished food. Mistaking it that you have finished eating. But this only happens if you are alone and if you takes like more than 15 minutes to get more sauce (where the hell did you go anyway!)

4) Although this sauce server is good because you can have as much sauce as you want rather than asking for additional sauce packets at the counter, it also have its down side. One, be very careful when pressing the server, you might splat some sauce on your favorite shirt. And keep a watch if you kids are pressing it, it might splat in their eyes (hahaha, and they’ll go blind, and McD can be sued)

5) After reading the daily newspaper which is provided in the outlet, make sure you don’t bring it home. Buy you own paper if you like to take home with you. Don’t be a cheapskate!

And lastly,

6) If you happened to be a foreigner (Singaporean, Americans, tourists, whatever), you don’t have to throw away your leftovers/litter/thrash in the bin yourself. You can just leave it on the table. This will not make us (Malaysians) look bad (if you know what I mean)

O.K, enjoy and get bloated!

Are you, you?

2004-08-01T04:59:00.000+08:00

Are You, You?

If you're a good person, then you're an angel.
If you're not a good person (...bad), then you're normal.
If you're a great person, you should die.
If you're a nothing, you gotta survive.

Don't let people (tryin' to) knock you out of your own life just because they think you're stupid to live your own way. You are what you are no matter what other people might think of you. Truth is where you choose to stand but real truth will show at the end. You might be right all the times and you might be wrong all the way, but its nothing wrong to live in this world. Your life is your home, your body is your food and your brain is your servant. Do what is best for your own sake. The bloodiest dreams always comes at dawn, and will gone when the sun shines.

picture : saturn dog 2002 paint

Happy New Life

2004-07-31T06:40:00.000+08:00

Aku bersyukur aku hidup lagi
Aku bersyukur dia pun hidup lagi
Aku bersyukur takde sape pun mati
Aku bersyukur masih ada tangan dan kaki
Aku bersyukur Aku bersyukur...

Fate??

2004-07-31T06:31:00.000+08:00

Life is an everlasting momentum that flows through every continents, mountains, hills, the sea, the ocean and spanned throughout the nation and accidents don’t happened…really!

Nothing is a coincidence. Coincidence doesn’t happen. What happened is fate. Fate is a living creature. Creeps, crawl, living on us and feed on our lives like a parasite. Fate owns our life. Fate is like chains at our feet controlling our boundaries that have been wrote.

You can’t escape fate. Fate comes in different ways and faces. If you are afraid of fate, don’t live. And don’t kill yourself either…it’s fated. Fate is not an appearing act. Fate is every minute. Fate is now. Fate is the closing show.

One fine day it cornered you for good…whether you like it or not…without a second too soon and too late. Then it’s a new life, with a new fate of course!

iDIOT tHOUGHTS oF tHe DaY

2004-07-28T17:00:00.000+08:00

Idiotic Thoughts

"Shift your brain to your head from your rear end in order to maintain a low sense of stupidity in your actions and reactions pursuing life"

mOSH
I.D.I.O.T (I Do Insist On Thinking)

Tak Paham

2004-07-27T16:41:00.000+08:00

Aku order nasi goreng seafood dapat nasi goreng seafood ade sotong, udang, telur etc..n ayam??!! Eh ayam ada duduk kat laut ker??!! Tak paham la orang ni seme...aku tak makan ayam sebab tu aku order nasi goreng seafood! Sabar je lah....

Mari membebel

2004-07-27T16:33:00.000+08:00

The truth about reality(the mosh theory). Reality is what we believe, mostly is what we can see with our eyes, not with our minds…coz’ sometimes what’s in our minds can only be fantasies. Other than backed up logic things on our mind, everything else is considered non-reality. What we see and hear, smell and feel is reality. The difference is the moment in time or the time it occurs. Some things could be a reality now or the present but some things could turned out to be a reality in the future.

So it is divided into two…Present Reality and Future Reality. Or should I make them three including Past Reality? Past and Present Reality is the things that people already acknowledged or accepted, defined or achieved. It doesn’t need much thinking because it’s already become common or attainable, maybe not for everybody but known to almost everybody. It is accredited as facts. Some Past Reality have been ceased due to obsolete facts or updated new facts. Sometimes due to wrong or insufficient data or information during that period of time and presently it became fictitious and discarded as facts.

Future Reality needs a lot of thoughts and sometimes research. Future Reality expands with ongoing actions towards fulfillment. It will start with an idea or ideas. The idea or ideas maybe accepted. Then maybe it became à la mode or modern or popular. It began to have momentum and circles. It becomes an institution. It becomes facts. Afterwards, eventually it will go back one step back to become Present Reality and it can also be Past Reality in duration of time to come.

Everything goes into a circular motion whether we realize it or not. It is how life goes. It’s true what they say, “What comes around, goes around!”

Loverman 2004

2004-07-26T18:47:00.000+08:00

Loverman. 2004.

Cheap watercolour n drawing paper. Inspired by song 'Loverman' by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds (Let Love album 1994) and performed by Metallica in Garage Inc album 1998.

Frolic in The Shadows

2004-07-26T13:42:00.000+08:00

In life there is always a second chance. Maybe chances. Whatever, I always look at life as a big book. At every chapter there is something gained or lose. Sometimes we need to cry…outside, inside, out loud, softly, together, alone…

I missed my youth a lot. It was great, awful, sad, happy…beautiful. When we were younger we cried almost about everything. Now we seldom cry just because we are older. Oh if only I can cry cry cry cry cry for just about anything today I would feel a lot better tomorrow.

I have never taken chances very good. Sometimes I never took them at all. They say “it’s better to make a bad decision rather than not at all” I think they are right. There’s a path for every decision. Not taking any mean not gaining anything. Afraid afraid. If I did something wrong, I always think it was fate. If I did something good (right), I forgot that it was fate. Both are truly wrong. Why? I can’t explain. If I died, what would I like to be remember as? Hmm...a good person?

“What is life?” Question asked a trillion times. Similar to “What is death?”…only less asked. Who am I?

Strawrange

2004-07-26T13:40:00.000+08:00

Strawrange. Experimenting with paint 1997.

Social Distortion

2004-07-25T01:37:00.000+08:00

Traffic lights. Lots of 'em. Hate 'em, especially when it is a hot day and my car aircond is not working plus I'm late for an appointment! Sometimes I feel stupid you know. Here I am stopping at a red traffic light waiting for it to turn green when actually there is no other car passing by and it's already 3AM in the morning.

It feels like the other driver passing by at the opposite road is saying, "Hey stupid, just drive on! There's no car driving thru! It's 3am dude! There's no traffic police either! Who are you anyway? An angel!? Just drive you moron!"

And to add pressure, 2 more car are now lining behind my car. Probably saying the same thing, "Just drive man, there's no traffic, don't waste my time!"

But maybe it's just my thought. My negative thought to be exact. Nowadays traffic lights are more sophisticated. They got this digital counter to tell you how many seconds before it turns to red or green again. I like it, especially when I'm at the front, watching the red digit countdown..3..2..1..GO! Just like F1 racing! And when it's blinking green, from afar I know I got only 10 seconds to drive thru. Well I think traffic lights aren't bad after all. It tells me when to stop or go, or to slow down or get ready to go.

I wish in life there is some sort of traffic light to tell me when to stop or when to go at doing something. So I feel a little secure when it is green and knowing its red to do something. Life is like a journey. Whatever vehicle u're in, you choose a destiny. And you also got to choose whether to use the highway or the old way.

It doesn't mean that the highway could guarantee you better result but I guess it's easier and proven. But challenges lies everywhere. And no life is life without challenges and obstacles.

And it's good to have signs also. It's easier to know where we're heading in life to reach our destiny. Just like in the roads, I see signs that read, "turn left", "turn right","sharp turn ahead","winding road","Stop","No entry","one way", etc.etc.

If there is some sort of signs n traffic lights to guide our path in life, would it be good? I do not know. Maybe God have already given us signs but we could not see it or we have ignored it.

But even though there are signs n traffic lights in the roads, some people just won't follow. They don't stop at the red light and they don't bother to follow or even bother to read the signs.

Me, I have several times ran over red lights and some signs. Why did I do that? At those point of time maybe I just don't bother or I'm taking a calculated risk or I'm simply in a brief stupidity mode.

Looking back at my life, there are things that I've done or didn't do even though that the signs or warnings are at my awareness. Why? Simply because I'm not perfect. And you know what they say that rules are meant to be broken!

Detour

2004-07-24T11:59:00.000+08:00

My life is sliding down just like a rollercoster...don't know if i've already reached the bottom...but everything is not over yet...I know my rollercoster of life will have the momentum to slide upwards once I reached the bottom...And I will prepare for the next slide down...hopefully...

mOVING oUT

2004-07-17T13:27:00.000+08:00

My landlord came to my house 3 days ago. It was a suprised to me since I usually go to her house to pay the rent. She then told me that she got to move in to my house (well, technically her house) within a week. She said she can't tell me why she gotta move in here but she mentioned about her business that got into some problems and that this will be just a temporary move. Why a week!? She said that it is an auspicious day for her to move in. Guess it's not an auspicious day for me! This is bad I thought. Where will I find a new house within this week ! All the arrangements, the packing, etc.etc. There's too little time!

I suddenly remembered that our tenancy aggreement has expired last March. So I couldn't ask her to give me notice to move out a month earlier. But then she gave me a relief when she said that she understands my situation. She said that if I couldn't find a new house, she got one house nearby that I can move in. Phew!! She actually owned a few houses she rent out.

So by Wednesday 21st, she will move out from her million ringgit mansion to my (err, hers) 3 hundred ringgit house, giving me a one hundred plus ringgit new house.

Now, I gotta think about cleaning the new house, packing my stuff and finding a lorry (I think I will borrow my brother's). After that, unpacking and rearranging in the new house. After that, there is much more thing to do. Changing the postal address, the phone no. and informing all the people that must know.

It's been 2 year and 6 mths since I live in that house. Come to think of it, its a good thing if I move out also. It will give me new environment. Since living there, I already like pushed the sofa and the tv/hifi set quite a dozen ways just to give it a fresh look. It think its already pushed too much. What they and I need is a fresh new space. And that will be our new home!

Must I have a title?

2004-07-16T18:04:00.000+08:00

VCD n DVD bought these few days..

DVD

oUTkast - video mtv, reason buying : the music, the band, rate : not viewed yet

Michael Jackson History - reason buying : billie jean, beat it and it remind me of my years moon walking..hahaha, rate : OK la considering old stuff..

No Doubt - video singles, reason buying : the music, the band n gwen.., rate : not viewed yet

Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Live Concert, reason buying : everything 'bout 'em, rate : not viewed yet, but I'm sure it will be a gem in my collection.

VCD - ORIGINAL PIRATE ONES

mEAN gIRLS - rate : hahahahahahaa...great!

white Chicks - rate : hahaha then...huhuhu...coz the disc stop somewhere in the middle (wosak!) sucks! To be continued later...

Farenheit 9/11 - rate : Not viewed yet.

Current book reading : John C. Maxwell, Leadership 101, Equipping, rate: powerful..but what a thin book, i'll finish it by tomorrow...

Therapy?/Delusions?/Insecurity?/

2004-07-14T04:11:00.000+08:00

I read in the papers just the other day that shopping or window shopping is a good way to reduce stress among women. They did not mention anything about e-bay or e-shopping and or this sort of self therapy would give the same effect to the male counterpart. Maybe because males are less of a shopper themselves (but I like shopping though).

Maybe it is true. It can reduce the stress. But what I think is that this thing does not settled the problem or the stress but merely shifting it to another place.

How? Imagine a woman so stress out. One way to get some relief or joy is to go to the nearest mall or shopping complex for a shopping spree. Alone or with some friends (accomplices). Cash or credit cards. It doesn't matter. Whether she needed the things or not. Whether it matters if the sales girl says she looks like Kylie Minogue in that pink skirt (although she is in her forties) just to get extra commissions.

Whatever it takes to eliminate the stress away even for just a few hours in the mall and continued for another few hours in plush coffee shops, eating ice-creams (another ritual of the females to throw some stress away) and chat about stuff they bought. And how beautiful is the bottles of Jean Paul Gaultier perfume they just bought even if the contents and the smell is overpriced. Just because it's a designer perfume!

Yes, the stress is gone or reduced but it's actually at the same time slowly transferred to another place or person. Yup, guess what? The next location is the 'husbands' or 'bfs'. With all the credit card charged, the stress is on these poor dudes (transferred and settling in). So what do these guys do to release this stress??

You got it! Transfer it somewhere else. Maybe to someone else at the coffee shop, the mamak or wherever they like. Finding helping ears to listen to their distress. Maybe that helping ear is also doing the same thing, pouring his stress and worries out, vice versa. Feeding on each other and reducing the pain.

Maybe I'm over reacting on this issue. Maybe it's not an issue after all. Maybe those women just need an excuse to steal some time with friends doing stuff they like. Maybe these men also need to get away to do some guy stuff. Maybe it's not true at all that shopping can reduce stress. Well there's a lot of maybe here.

This reminds me of 'pain killer' pills. I usually take them when I have a toothache or headache. It lasted for a few hours, just enough so I can sleep painlessly. The pills tell my brain that my tooth are not aching, although it does. The pain is there but I can't feel it.

Just like shopping or hangin' out, it gives some joy and space to breathe but our problems or stress are still there.

Conclusion :
Painkillers, shopping, hanging out does not solve problems but give some temporary relief. Which is good.

My Prescriptions:

1)Paracetamol :
Always handy ( a pack of Milidon 500) I'll bring it anywhere I go, in case of emergency!

2)Shopping :
I rarely do. But if I do, I just shop for VCDs, DVDs, CDs, books or mags.

3)Hanging out :
Jamming Studio(need at least one friend to play the drums) 2 to 3 hours playing from Nirvana to Metallica, blues or whatever shit I remember.

Coffee Escape. For chillin' out alone, some soul searching. Usually in the evenings. Root beer float, Panini sandwich or some fries.

The mamaks. Lazy days. Minor stress. Nescafe tarik and The Malay Mail.

My bed. Absolute boredom. All day. Lazier days. Doing nothing. Just my soul. My body is useless this moment.

SHAKE BEFORE USE.
EXPIRY : UNTIL SANITY REAPPEARS.

To shahida

2004-07-14T04:08:00.000+08:00

To shahida, thanks for the picture. Nah! nak sangat gambo ko kat blog aku.Kan aku cakap aku tak akan meyuperimposekan gambo ko. Hahaha...tak caya..lagipun kalau superimpose pun bukan aku bole buat duit...okies..study hard, play hard k..

2004-07-12T18:04:00.000+08:00

excuse me while i kiss the sky..

If I am Superman...

2004-07-12T10:06:00.000+08:00

The first thing I'll do is change the dorky name 'Superman'. It sounds so silly. Like bragging or some sort. Hey check it out I'm Superman! I mean c'mon it's the new millennium already. Gotta keep up with the time u know. How 'bout MOSH? It's easy to remember, it's sounds fresh. Just like BONO of U2, PINK, MOBY or SLASH of GN'R. It got that nice ring to the sound, MOSH! I like it! So it's settled then, no more Superman. It's MOSH! Hehehe...

Hey! And that goes the same with the shitty outfit also. They gotta go dude. I mean, are you crazy? Red underwear! And he wears it outside his pants! Duh! I mean, red undies would look great for ladies (e.g Wonderwoman or any girls for the matter), but for men, yucks! (Now you know why Clark Kent does not want people to know he's Superman). We need a full make over here!

O.K, how about getting some sponsors for my new hip costume. Why not? I've done great things to help people all over the world, didn't I? From helping cats stucked on high trees, fighting bad peoples preventing crimes, preserving peace, harmony and unity among mankind..bla bla bla. I deserved this,don't you think so?

Anyway it can help boost the sales of those who sponsored me right? Imagine Adidas or Nike sponsporing my new custom made boots. And my new outfit by Calvin Klein or DKNY or GUESS or any designer labels. I'm sure they'll be happy. I know I will. Hey, and I need sunglasses too!

Next, I want 20% of profits of all merchandise related to me sold worldwide. Well, I gotta start saving for my future retirement you know. Do you think I will be flying and fighting everyday saving people asses until I'm 95 years old? Come on, I'll get old too you know. Remember I crashed to earth when I was a baby? And remember I was Superboy before? I'm sure I'm gonna be super old later! And anyway, some bad guy will surely get me with the bloody kryptonite one day!

Hey, maybe I'll get a TV producer for a reality TV program (these days people are crazy for reality TVs and this also means more money for my retirement fund..hehe). Maybe titled 'The Super Life'. This could lead me to Hollywood. Now I got a better idea! I will run for Governor of California. I mean, I'm better, stronger and more handsome than Arnie. So if he can do it, why not me? And I speak better than him. Beware Arnie!!

There's more to change if I'm Superman, I mean MOSH. One thing is that I will let people know who I am. No more Clark Kent! Anyway, I don't like to be a hypocrite you know. And I've already loose that stupid outside red underwear remember? So no need to be ashamed anymore. Plus I don't need to go for work at that shitty Daily Planet (it doesn't pays good either). I'm a superhero! I already got loads of work around the world. Not to mention as a governor later (hehe) and attending interviews and photo shoots for mags etc.etc. I'm a Hollywood star too!

And, I will fly a lot less now. Actually, I'm afraid of heights (even though I know if I fell, I won't get hurt). I just hate heights, period! Call me a sissy and I'll punch you out!

And also I will attend to only really really really emergency cases only. I mean you got the police, firemen, the army,the navy, boyscouts and volunteers everywhere in the world.And all of 'em ('cept the volunteers)are paid by the government and the people who pays tax. I don't want they taking me for granted that I'm a superhero and I should do all their work for them. And also take me as an excuse to become lazy! I mean you all are paid man. So get to work! Anyway, I got only two hands and two feet o.k, so gimme a break!

I'm also thinking of setting a phone-in number, so people could dial for my help and consultation. It will cost $1.50 per minute and you can also send SMS to me too for 50ct per SMS. They can also visit my website at www.supadude.com, loads of quizzes and prizes to be won. They could also become a member of my fan club and get special privileges such as Nightfly (an evening fly with me around the city for 15 minutes,err..only for females tho, with special discounts for club members).

Hey, come to think of it, I could do lot of things. I could open theme restaurants just like Planet Hollywood, a fitness centre, write a book, become a model, a talk show host and loads more stuffs. But I guess it's better if I'm not Superman. And let Superman be Superman.

'Coz I'm quite a procastinator myself. And that is bad. Imagine people in need of my help and I procastinated. By the time I reached the scene of the crime, these people could be dead! And what so super about a superhero who is afraid of heights?! Sooner or later people will go for other fine dude such as Batman, Spidey or even that green cousin of Shrek, Hulk! I don't need to be a superhero to have a super time anyway. I just need my Washburn Dimebag guitar and a friend to jam with and I will have a super duper time! Right on!

Nu kid on the Blog

2004-07-11T00:19:00.000+08:00

Finally. I'm here. Blogging. Not that this is something new for me. I write stuffs on paper usually before I sleep almost everynight (and day too, coz sometimes I sleep all day).Mostly I write because I cannot sleep. When reading a book won't help me to sleep, I write stuffs. When I get bored of reading and my eyes still won't shut, I write stuffs. When its too early in the morning to play my electric guitar (gotta respect my neighbors, they're ok, up to now anyway), I write stuffs. When there are nothing on TV worth watching (e.g re-runs of Days of Lives & Wheel of Fortune) and after watching over an over the Red Hot Chilli Peppers Live In Paris VCD (lurve 'em), and still I can't fall asleep, I write stuffs. Never kept a single diary in my life. Never like it anyway. Maybe because I have nothing to write in it. Nothing good that is. And nothing bad too. Do I have a sleeping disorder? No. Why the hell do I blog then? My room is getting messier each day, papers here and there. Well, actually it always a mess without those papers too (haha). The real reason is I want to contribute my efforts towards saving the trees and environment by minimizing the use of papers. That is why I blog, truly (hahaha). I'm getting sleepy, gez it's time to stop for now...